A boy asked my daughter out
My 10 year-old daughter rushed over to me at afterschool pick-up to show me a little note that one of the boys had written to her. The note was folded and passed to my daughter via her girlfriends. The content of the message was brief and effectively asked if my daughter would be willing to go out with the author of the note. I wonder if it was the same boy she had a crush on. The note had the childhood charm written by a 10 year-old boy and sent through the grapevine so that if the return answer was ‘no’, then at least the rejection wouldn’t be so direct compared to if he had asked in person. So how am I handling it? Cautious optimism with justified pessimism!
I am firstly grounded in knowing my child. I know my daughter to be confident and calm. Like all children, she seeks approval, but she does not overly try to seek attention. Between father and daughter, we have good communication and I trust that she shares with me so long as I don’t judge her. So I was immensely happy that she felt comfortable enough with me to share this news.
I am secondly grounded in that I know this boy. In fact, I have known his parents since he and my daughter were in the same daycare together. He’s a good kid with great parents. I think his interest toward my daughter started to build during the past few months when the athletic portion of the curriculum turned to swimming, a sport my daughter excels since she’s been in the water from the age of 3. And because she is now in competitive swimming, she impresses even the most macho of boys whom she beats handily in speed and form.
At this age, going out is really more about hanging out. The former is done between two people; the latter is done with friends. Their friends are more or less living vicariously.
I am finally grounded in that I know most of the kids and parents in my daughter’s Grade 5 class. I also know the faculty and have worked with the administration through the Parent Teacher Council. It’s a small school and we are fortunate enough not to be troubled with too many inner-city problems that plague other larger schools. This arguably is just as important as knowing both my daughter and this boy because while the seeds may be good, the soil and the surrounding environment needs to be nurturing, also. At this age, going out is really more about hanging out. The former is done between two people; the latter is done with peers. Their friends are more or less living vicariously through this pseudo-couple and the atmosphere is full of giggles and laughs.
Nevertheless and however optimistic and intellectually pragmatic I might feel about my daughter’s puppy love relationship, inside, I am the screamer from Edvard Munch’s painting as I know that my little girl is growing up and will eventually trade up to more serious relationships that will include a dimension of physicality. Even now, she told me that this boy asked to kiss her. “What did you say?” I tried to slow my beating heart. Ewwwwwwk, no! That’s a fair and honest answer. So in my role of daddy, I shall be supportive, yet forever vigilant and always cautiously pessimistic at the onslaught of her knocking down another barrier. Dang! Another gray hair.
