’Tis the season to do something for yourselves, dads

For better or for worse, it’s been another year of co-parenting. Being 100% dad, 50% of the time meant there certainly were laughs and tears, screams and jeers. You wouldn’t trade it in for anything else, but let’s reset for a new year and a fresh start. If you have the good fortune of being able to take time off work during the holiday, go do something on your own. If you’ve done this before, then you know what I am talking about. If you haven’t, go do it! While my family holidays were fun, and my daughter and I did the usual and requisite stuff like sleeping under the tree on the first night it was lit (took me a day to recover from sleeping on the hard floor), my daughter will be spending time separate from me. This time, my ex-wife is flying out-of-town on a mommy/daughter vacation for a week. So that means I’m free to do whatever a single man wants to do.  I call this a parallel vacation.

I itemized in my mind, a list of things I have to do during my time off, a list of things I want to do and the people I want to do this with. And here’s how things unfolded for me. The list of things I have to do was quickly ignored. Rationale was that short of the roof caving in, things can wait a week; I’m free now. Rejuvenating myself is more important than home improvement. Carpe diem! Next, the list of people I want to spend time with like my old buddies have their own lives and families. I would spend a week trying to coordinate schedules only to find 3 days of overlap. Then I have to decide on a place to go where none of us have gone before. I’ve known some of these guys for 20+ years, but a beach vacation is not entirely what I had in mind with any of them. Then there’s the new friend. Is her calendar free at the same time? Does she want to go to the same place? She’s new-ish, remember? How long will this one last? Nothing makes or breaks a new relationship like traveling together. And determining who pays for what also sets a tone and communicates more than you might wish at this point in time. Are you ready for this?

As a single again, middle-aged-ish man I find that people treat me quite differently — in a good way. I am not running with the bulls chasing skirts looking eager and desperate. I have no embarrassment when asking for a table for one at a restaurant as I’m happy to enjoy the moment. People find that captivating.

For all of the above reasons, I decided to go it alone. I can pick up where I left off when I backpacked after college. I can explore an ancient ruin of a past civilization and take as much or as little time as I want. I can do an eco-tour and challenge my body and my mind. Or I can do nothing and lay on a beach all day. Almost doesn’t matter where I go, so long as I go.

As a single again, middle-aged-ish man I find that people treat me quite differently — in a good way. I am not running with the bulls chasing skirts looking eager and desperate. I probably don’t have the strength and stamina compared to the twenty-somethings anyway. In fact, I know I don’t. I’m also not a man looking for love and starting over. I’ve been there and done that. I have a week and then go back to being a daddy when my daughter returns from her trip. So for now, this is my time. I have no embarrassment when asking for a table for one at a restaurant. I don’t show up in a group nor do I have a wingman in flight. When I stroll up to a bar, the only expectation I have is for the bartender to serve me the drink I ordered; there are no other motives than to enjoy the moment. What happens, happens. People find that captivating.

So where did I go? What did I do? It only matters that I went. This is a blog about raising daughters; not about my adventures. But I will tell you that doing these parallel vacations was very good for me. As funny as it sounds, being away from my daughter makes me a better father. Cherish it, old man.