How your daughter accepts justice is more important than how you feel

I hate getting calls from my daughter’s school. When the school number shows up on my call display, my mind goes to a dark place. So when the teacher called me, the first thing she said was “Your daughter’s alright, but…” My mind raced in the pause between ‘but’ and the next word. “…There was an altercation at school and your daughter got kicked and fell. She scraped her knee and ripped her pants.” It wasn’t severe enough for me to go to the school earlier than pick up time, but I was told she was very upset. Thirty minutes later, I received an email from the same teacher saying that my daughter is feeling better, but still upset.

I wasn’t sure if her being upset was in reference to physical or psychological discomfort. I assumed the latter based on how well I know my daughter and my read of the situation. At pick up, she was no worse for wear and wanted to stay a bit in the playground. Eventually we went home and she told me what had happened. A boy in her class was out of control again and acted like an idiot as he always does, she explained. “Then out of nowhere, he started kicking people and I got hooked at the thigh. I was running at the time and slipped and skinned my knee on the gravel.” Then what happened? “I yelled at him for being stupid and told the yard supervisor. We both got sent to the office and then I went to the nurse. The idiot got yelled some more by teachers and principals. He got his second blue slip.”

 

She’s may be a victim, but it doesn’t mean she needs to be rescued.

 

I asked if she was satisfied with the way the whole situation was handled. She thought about it for a few seconds and then said, “Yap”. Why? I inquired. “Because the idiot didn’t expect me to scream at him and call the teachers,” she said. “He also got his second blue slip.” Yes, you mentioned that. What does that mean? “It means if he gets a third blue slip, he’ll be suspended from school.” Wow. This idiot was living on the edge! She didn’t need to do anything further and felt justice was served. Although we did not have a pedantic legal discussion, the consequences certainly fulfilled the requirements of justice served without her even realizing it.

First of all, even though my daughter wasn’t the victim of a targeted assault, her visceral reaction put this boy on notice; she was not a wallflower and simply accepted things as-is. Second, she had no trouble substantiating her obvious injuries and the teachers needed no convincing to arrest the situation. The authorities triaged appropriately and compassionately sending her for medical attention while the boy remained in isolation experiencing further reprimand. There was also restitution as the boy was made to apologize to my daughter which he grudgingly did. Finally, the proportional punishment for this infraction was a second official notice on the boy’s permanent school record. For the balance of the school year, this kid must be on the straight and narrow. Perhaps the kid will think twice before picking a fight with anyone, much less my daughter who would have no qualms on sending this kid packing.

Me getting involved by demanding more action from the school, engaging the parents or even intimidating the idiot would have resulted in no benefit for my daughter (and likely get me into trouble). It would also have completely undermined my daughter’s way of handling the situation on her own. She’s may be a victim, but it doesn’t mean she needs to be rescued. In the end, I needed to do nothing except perhaps a small follow up with the school to say that as far as the matter was concerned, it was handled properly—an endorsement for trust with the school. I’ve never heard about this idiot being a troublemaker to my daughter again, since.