Don’t bring home your dates

It’s not pretty. You have a wild night of partying and bring home a one-night stand only to wake up realizing your 6 year-old daughter was getting dropped off early in the morning by the ex-wife. It was absolute panic to get one person out one door and another person through another door so worlds don’t collide.

Another time, I was on a second or third date with a woman and I asked her to bring over her 5 year-old to meet my 6 year-old for a Saturday afternoon barbeque. Girls at this age bond quickly; the adults, not so much. After the BBQ, I decided that it was the last time seeing her. For several weeks after that, my daughter asked me where they were. I told her a white lie and said that they were busy and so was I. Let’s set up play dates with your friends from school instead. My daughter was disappointed. I can’t imagine how the 5 year-old took it as she had taken to me since the loss of her own father. It was at that moment that I decided that there are things I must keep away from my daughter for now.

My married friends keep their intimacy under wraps. But even if the kids walk in during an uncompromising moment, it’s just mommy and daddy. Timing, for me, is also everything. I just need to make sure that when things happen, it’s on a night my daughter is staying at her mom’s house. Nevertheless, schedules can change, so I have decided not to bring any dates home for now. I have at least three reasons.

It was at that moment I made a decision that there are some things in my life I must keep away from my daughter for now. And I have at least three reasons.

First, I am not prepared to introduce my daughter to women who won’t be around longer than a week on/week off rotation. What kind of message would I be sending to my daughter? At this age, she takes things at face value and won’t understand. Why are there different women? Why are they not staying around? These are awful data points upon which to draw conclusions for a 6 year-old. It is an awful burden for a child. So unnecessary and so preventable.

Second, at the age of 6, I have not yet had to explain the birds and the bees. I really haven’t thought about this conversation yet and I don’t want to hasten its timeline. I imagine the discussion to take place over National Geographic documentaries, not over a one-night stand.

The final reason for me to shield this part of my life from my daughter is that my house (and her home) is her safe haven. These walls contain within it a significant part of her world that must remain consistent and unfailing. She must have absolute trust that those inside the walls are 100% dependable and will be around 100% of the time. There can be no doubts.  I am sure there are many more reasons, but for me, any one of these three is enough.