The art of bentō boxing your life
Most of us are already familiar with the concept of a bento-box in a Japanese restaurant. It is a tray or box with dividers separating the rice or noodles from the fish or meat and an assortment of other delightful trappings. The concepts are simple: separation & organization. It keeps the larger servings from the smaller; the wet foods (vegetables) from the dry (tempura); and probably the most important, keeps the spices and tastes from fusing together. Seems like sage advice.
When I was in college, I had heard a story about a profession teaching students a life lesson using a mason jar, golf balls, beads and a pail of sand. He filled the jar which he said was all the time and space in your life with the golf balls until it was full. The students agreed. Then he poured a bag of beads into the same jar and asked if it was full. The students agreed again. Then he poured the small pail of sand (tapping as he went) in the already full jar and asked again. Surprised, the students confirmed it finally was full. The professor said that the golf balls represent the important things: family, health, etc. The beads were smaller things like job, house, car; important but replaceable things. And the sand represents all the small stuff that fills in the crevices of your life. His lesson was that if you’re careful and manage the big things first, there’s enough room for everything else. Filling the jar in reverse will not work. Then he took his cup of coffee and poured that into the already full mason jar. Ever so slowly, the liquid filled all the remaining space in the jar. He looked up and said that even if your life is full, there’s always time for a beverage with a friend.
Separation and organization aims to achieve the higher goal: balance. Manage the big things and the little things will remain that way.
As much as I feel like I’m always dealing with the small stuff, my aim is to make sure that the golf balls are dealt with first. Me, my daughter, our family, our heath, her well-being, etc. It’s no coincidence that I put me first for the same reason airline emergency procedures tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first – you are no good to anybody if you don’t take care of yourself first. Then we fill our lives with all of our pebbles like my job, her school, our tidy home, her extracurricular, etc. When there’s time, we have play dates, go see a movie, I hit the gym, she has screen time and I write this blog. Life is good.
I take the same general approach when I ask my daughter to focus and prioritize. While she doesn’t worry about golf balls or pebbles like family, mortgage payments, car maintenance, etc. it doesn’t mean her things are small potatoes. In fact, they are very real and very big for her. So helping her focus on her cello practice so she is prepared for the recital certainly takes priority over free time or play dates. Once when we were visiting some old friends we hadn’t seen, my daughter asked where her friend’s younger brother was. The parents replied that he was preparing for a piano recital and he’ll joint as soon as the hour was up. The parents helped the child prioritize and everything still got done, including lots of literal sand in our shoes!
The bentō concept is very apt in food as it is in life. The ingredients are 33%. Preparation is another 33%, leaving presentation as the remainder. The percentage may vary, but both separation and organization aim to achieve the higher goal: balance. Manage the big things and the little things will remain that way, i.e, don’t sweat the small stuff. I try to live and teach my daughter to have good grounding and attitude (ingredients); her education will pave a smooth road in preparing her for anything she attempts. The rest is up to her: style, approach and personality. When she grows up and fills her mason jar, I hope she’ll make time for a beverage or two with her old man.