The elephant and the rope
Young elephants being prepared for a life in the circus may endure training crush to break their spirits so they become obedient and docile enough to learn to perform tricks for our entertainment. The training method and tools used are abusive and met with outcry from PETA and the public. Even if the practice to indoctrinate elephants for show business is ending, tourist and service elephants in other parts of the world still endure crushing exercises like restraining a baby elephant by tying a rope around its feet to prevent its escape. Day after day, the elephant will learn that the attempt is futile. The conditioning is so strong that even when the elephant becomes adult, a symbolic rope not tied to anything is enough to keep it stationary. If only they knew how strong they are, they can easily tear the rope—and the tree it is tied to. But the conditioning is too entrenched.
It is important to use this lesson when we raise our children who continue to develop coping strategies to refine their approaches to solving problems. We must encourage their ingenuity to bring new solutions to old problems. But if they are constantly told what to do and think, they too, may one day stop tugging on that proverbial rope. They will live a life within the confines of your making and not realize their own potential.
Until they recognize that most restraints are almost always mental in construction, they won’t be able to realize that true emancipation is within themselves.
When my daughter entered a new school in Grade two, she met a bully. It took time to overcome and we worked through our approach. In a way, the bully was my daughter’s rope which limited her freedom and movement. She tugged at it and forced it to come loose. Two years later, the rope is all but gone. In fact, two years, later, my daughter has actually grown taller and bigger than Suzie. Now, they play together occasionally until my daughter can’t stand Suzie anymore. Even though the bullying never got physical, Suzie would have to think twice before picking a fight with my daughter now. But it doesn’t mean my daughter is free from torment and stress from others. In fact, she came home one day telling me that her friends were “stupid bitches” and she wanted to move to a different school! Needless to say, her friends weren’t stupid, nor were they bitches and we didn’t move to a different school.
For a fourth grader, my daughter’s life is certainly not free from strife and disagreement appropriate for that age group. Nor should we expect it to be. Unless there’s imminent danger or situations that require adult intervention, I don’t interfere and I don’t feel the need to rescue her. In fact, I firmly believe challenges helps a person develop and making mistakes are the best way for her to be socialized. A while back, my daughter told me she wanted to stop one of her favorite sports: swimming. She wasn’t enjoying it anymore and it just felt like a grind. Her coach was yelling at her; she didn’t feel she was learning anything new; and at the end of every session, she wanted to throw up. She just felt that swimming wasn’t fun anymore and she was looking for an escape. She eventually learned that not everything is about fun and her coach was actually setting her up to do some advance skills. It’s just that her maturity wasn’t there to appreciate it yet. She eventually moved pass this phase and realized that she was just in a rut. I think what separates moments of pessimism from true potential is simply having a vision and the belief that they will overcome all hardship. But at this age, they need guidance and encouragement.
Ropes come in all sizes, thickness and colors and serve to tie things down. They all do one thing very well: limit choices. Our children are not baby elephants. And we should never stop them from challenging the limitations placed there by themselves, others and especially by us. But until they recognize that most restraints are almost always mental in construction, they won’t be able to realize that true emancipation is within themselves.