Befriend your daughter’s friends’ parents
Moms are great at forming playgroups. They just have a knack for spontaneously swapping phone numbers, emails, recipes and the next thing you know, new appointments complete with fileshare for the next four weeks! For us guys, we generally don’t approach other moms for play dates in this way; our intentions are questioned. And we don’t usually approach other dads beyond casual conversations that ensue during pick up and drop offs. So most of us single dads, through fear or introversion, stay in the same familiar circles. But fear not, networks are built one person at a time; just like your professional network. You’d be surprised how many single dads there are who think the same thing!
I have the good fortune of retaining most of my network of families of my daughter’s friends from when my wife and I used to be married. As every year progresses, I add more parents to that network as others fall away due to moves, interest or personalities. But whom I get along with matters less compared to the friends my daughter picks for playdates and subsequently, the parents.
For us guys, we generally don’t approach other moms for play dates in this way; our intentions are questioned. And we don’t usually approach other dads. But networks are built one person at a time; just like your professional network. You won’t get along with everyone. But if you find the few parents that you can truly strike up a good conversation with, you will have insight into your daughter’s world of peers and pressures.
It’s interesting how my social circles have become literally two spheres of communities that overlap. In one, I have my own friends whom I have known even before my child was born. Most have their own kids and I introduce my child to theirs. The relationships in this circle are organic: the adults have history and the children follow suit. In the other circle, it is the children who bring their parents together for more situational friendships. Many in this group will fall away as your child ages and will socialize with different friends.
Parents coming together when their children are in daycare or early primary schools are almost always congenial necessities. For me, there is a small group of dads I go out with infrequently still; we met while our children were in daycare years ago! In most cases, our children don’t even go to the same school anymore, but the friendships remain intact. Parents of older grade school kids remaining social will do so purely on personality and interests. But as kids leave for middle and high school, rare will their friends stay the same. Rarer still will you remain friends with your daughter’s childhood friends’ parents. If you aren’t the social type, this phase will not be long. If you are, then you only have a few years in this stage of your daughter’s life.
Trust your feelings about your kids’ friends’ parents. You won’t get along with everyone. But if you find the few parents that you can truly strike up a good conversation with, chances are you’re well on your way to commiserate parenting as single or married dads. Your challenges, your struggles and your failures are truly great talking fodder. This is your bond. It is in trials we find commonality to support one another. Share your worst stories and you’ll be rewarded with empathy and compassion. It will be worth it and you won’t feel so alone. Besides, this will give you insight into your daughter’s world of peers and pressures. You might even get educated on what’s popular culture! And you didn’t need to swap one recipe!