Halloween is supposed to be fun filled opportunity for kids young and old to go as their hero or altered ego nemesis. It was truly terrifying for me that two weeks before this year’s Halloween, my daughter donned a tiger onesie complete with hanging tail, and she went to my closet to pick out a suit jacket, leather brief case and a necktie asking me to tie it for her. Then she blurted out, “I’m going out as you, tiger dad.”

I’m usually pretty quick with my retorts but this time, my jaw dropped to the floor. I wasn’t sure what to feel. On the one hand, I’m glad she sees me with fondness; on the other hand, I don’t think I’m all that scary? And then I inquire.

“Are you kidding, dad? You’re brutal when it comes to cutting down people—especially in traffic. You’re yelling at them from inside the car saying ‘they don’t deserve oxygen’ or ‘whether they were born that way or have to work really hard at being stupid’.” She went on with other examples of putdowns and denigrations. And then I thought, OMG, she’s right.  I am a scary daddy!

 

I’ve never focused too much on her EQ. But now, if she picks up all my middle-age, sarcastic, male condescension, I worry about her humanity.

 

I’ve always looked after my daughter’s physical safety and ensured she is properly socialized to become a balanced individual. I worry less about her academics since she’s in all sorts of extracurricular and still performs well at school. Beyond safeguarding her emotional wellbeing, I’ve never focused too much on her EQ. But now, if she picks up all my middle-age, sarcastic, male condescension, I worry about her humanity. It’s just not appropriate for my daughter to question the utility of a 12 year-old classmate because he can’t line up property. And it’s certainly too blunt for an 12 year-old to chastise her peers with a ‘suck it up ‘cuz life ain’t fair’ lecture. For someone whose wisdom teeth haven’t emerged, being long on the tooth is in itself very scary.

As typical in our interactions, her candor is always refreshing, whether intentioned or not. It was a very effective figurative mirror she held and it prompted me to tone down my insensitive assertions and general loathing of the great unwashed. At least in front of my daughter and at least for a little while until I return to my normal operating mode of sarcastic jeers and derision.

I will try my best to set an example so I don’t need to justify my behavior. I will try my best to ask for help when I need it rather than to be proud and stoic leaving myself with frustration and emptiness. I will try my best to understand the other side as my perception is only a limited viewpoint of the larger reality. This I should do anyway if not for anyone else then at least for myself.

But I was glad to see that as I chaperoned my daughter and her friends to trick or treating, beneath the tiger’s clothing of a suited dad, there was laughter and friendship. From twenty feet away, I even heard ‘thank you’s’, ‘good night’s’ rather than ‘hurry up’ and ‘is that all there is?’.  Scary Halloween salvaged! Booyah.