Often a phase is heard that ends with –like a girl and it usually has a negative connotation. To tell someone they run like a girl; throw a ball like a girl; talk like a girl; walk like a girl; or do anything like a girl usually implies a performance less than that like a boy. While at times it could be a harmless comment, its endearing qualities are only tolerated because it is not challenged. Generations have emphasized subpar execution in comparison to an arbitrary standard, we forget that sometimes the recipient of this comment can and will internalize themselves as inadequate. On the flip side, I also can’t imagine someone calling me out because I listen like a man (not very well); remember like a man (not at all); or do housework like a man (really, other men do that?). All joking aside, these stereotypes can have very insidious and festering effects on the psyche of a 12 year-old. So against convention wisdom, tell your daughter exactly what it really means to be like a girl.
Physically. Having a period is the epitome of being female. The cycle itself embodies life which is expressed through a girl’s body—repeatedly. It grounds her to nature as she herself is the ultimate expression of renewal and revival. Although sometimes, it could be inconvenient and uncomfortable during sporting activities, it takes away nothing and there’s nothing unnatural to be like a girl. So she can’t throw a ball as far as a boy who comparatively has more muscle mass, or run faster than a boy who may have grown longer legs. But since when was maleness the yardstick for humanity? Although religion may have stated that Eve was made from a rib of Adam, the reality is that biologically, we were all conceived as female first, phenotypically. It’s great to be like a girl.
The reality is that biologically, we were all conceived as female first, phenotypically. It’s great to be like a girl.
Socially. I discovered very early on that my daughter loved to re-watch movies and re-tell stories because she identified with the heroine and believed that she too can be capable of much more. She too, can be marvelous by living vicariously through her superhero. Help your daughter find inspirational female leaders, achievers and other elevating role models. As she gets older, her heroines will morph from animated, fictional ones to world leaders. When she sees that others have ploughed the way, she knows not only are limitless futures possible, but it’s also accessible. So much of humanity’s advanced achievements have been made by women it’s a shame not to scream out the greatness of being like a girl.
Emotionally. There’s ample literature to document that emotional maturity is differently paced between boys and girls. Even their ability to throttle the expression of various emotions is different. So, when a girl’s expressivity to some emotions is varied, it is not a reflection of the child’s development but rather her choice. Few would curtail a boy’s expression of team and camaraderie while encouraging affectionate emotive behavior; but why is the inverse acceptable for girls? Well, it is because we define male and female as polar extremes. But does it need to extend to emotional polarity as well? One thing that we generally agree to is that the female brain is far more receptive to compassion and empathy. Why not let this loose onto the world? We can all use a lot of it right now. It’s great to think like a girl.
So, I tell my daughter that she was born a girl; she should walk and talk like one from the moment she wakes up. To be anything else is not being true to herself. The pejorative inference of being like a girl is another entrenched stereotype that we need to stop using to call out a biased standard of behavior. Rather, we should celebrate the differences and investigate further how being like a girl adds another half to the world.
