OMG! She’s masturbating!

One day, I noticed my daughter was lifting herself up along the edge of my desk at home and rubbing herself. I didn’t say anything. I noticed her rocking on the armrest of the sofa, too. I didn’t say anything. I knew what she was doing, but I didn’t say anything. She did this with enough frequency over a period of time and so I asked casually, what she was doing. She said she was “flying.” Why? “Because it tickles.”

I didn’t call in the shrink. I didn’t call her mom, either. I just chalked it up as something I’ll eventually talk about, but I just wasn’t prepared and didn’t know how. Months went by and I didn’t call out this behavior. Then one day, I brought her into my work place for a few minutes and I noticed she did this against the seat of an office chair. I said in a calm and firm voice, “Don’t do that here.”

Treat it just like you would any other type of behavior like nose picking, belching, farting, etc. Don’t do it in public; it’s just not polite. Make sure your daughter has a healthy social life with her friends and family and that she is not withdrawn and harboring anxieties or other frustrations.

I’ve done some reading and have observed for months without calling out such behavior and can offer the following un-professional insights:

• Infants explore their own genitals before they are able to walk;
• It is natural and not a pathological behavior; some religion believes the behavior should be curbed. That’s your choice;
• Children are not consciously aware of what they are doing and do not understand the social context. The vocabulary my daughter used to describe the sensation spoke of her innocence. My daughter doing it in my office told me she didn’t understand the social norms;
• If you try to contain it by telling untruths about her going blind or crazy, it will make your birds and the bees conversation extremely difficult later. It will also reveal that you are a liar.
• As with all parenting approaches, good communications with clear and simple explanations which are devoid of judgment is best.

Unless you see a compulsive preoccupation of this behavior or the situation requires medical attention due to extended rubbing, there’s little you can or want to do. Don’t be surprised or react negatively. Treat it just like you would any other type of behavior like nose picking, belching, farting, etc. Don’t do it in public; it’s just not polite. Make sure your daughter has a healthy social life with her friends and family and that she is not withdrawn and harboring anxieties or other frustrations.

Your Second Grader is growing socially, emotionally, physically and yes, even sexually. As girls, they are about a year away from the beginnings of real physical changes. You’ve been telling them for years that their body is their own and so they are merely learning about it.  So long as she has a balanced home and school life with good dose activities and is socially connected with friends, there really is nothing to worry about.

Perhaps the best thing you can do is to respect her privacy and if you haven’t already practiced it, now is the good time to knock before entering her room.