My daughter begged me not to remarry
We were travelling on a trip having a great time and all of a sudden, my daughter asked if it was going to be like this forever. I didn’t understand her question and after probing, I discovered that she enjoys her daddy/daughter vacation time so much that she fears it would end if I remarried. She feared that I would spend less time with her and eventually forget about her. Preposterous! Her emotions poured like an open tap and unleashed a torrent of tears. We were travelling on a public bus when this happened and I was simply dumbstruck and embarrassed that my love life is now a conversation in public.
As a week-on/week-off custody sharing dad, I am in a situation of being a single guy again for a full week, every other week. This has made me the envy of a lot of my friends and I have become very good at keeping my adult life away from my young daughter saved for a few early situations which my daughter has all but forgotten. As I have written before, I am not ashamed nor do I have anything to hide. But at her young age, our home is a major anchor of her world she must have absolute trust that those inside the walls are 100% dependable and will be around 100% of the time.
Children being generally trusting don’t usually have a problem with any of your friends. Their anxiety surfaces when they fear they will lose something: you.
But if I were in a situation to introduce this hypothetical friend, I’d have to do it very slowly. I may make the introduction during a group event as my daughter is familiar with coming to dinners with me and a bunch of other people. This pretext may seem a bit elusive but we have to remember that we are dealing with the emotions of a 7-year old girl who still thinks “forever” applies to everything.
During the week-on times, I’d also keep communications with the lady friend to a minimal. You might find this easy or difficult. But for me, I don’t look at my smartphone very much at home. I don’t call and text incessantly so silent running is an essential criteria that a burgeoning relationship must survive. Your friend playing second fiddle is something she’ll have to get used to as well. Your daughter comes first and if your friend doubts this, you should move on. Even if things are good between the three of you, your daughter must also believe that she is not getting another mother. She only has one mommy and one daddy and nothing will change that. She’s seen enough Disney stories about step-moms, so it’s critical for her to know that no one is being killed, replaced or thrown out of a castle. Compartmentalizing my life has become an art.
Children being generally trusting don’t usually have a problem with any of your friends. Their anxiety surfaces when they fear they will lose something: you. So have realistic expectations about your daughter’s acceptance of any new partner. The real acceptance you should pay attention to is how well your child receives the new friendship, not the other way around.