Double standards of women by women
A while ago when we were all back at the office, I heard a couple of women talk about their kids and how difficult it was to keep a curfew on one of the woman’s 17 year-old daughter. My daughter is 10 and only recently started going to school on her own, so I have no ability to contribute to their conversation. Then I caught another snippet of conversation about the same woman’s 12 year-old son bringing home a girlfriend. My own daughter is approaching this age and I definitely have an interest in the latter, fascinating topic. So I politely inquired about her 12 year-old’s girlfriend. Apparently, he’s had a few already. And the mom boosts about her son’s magnetism and implied virility. I didn’t ask whether these pairings were made official by kissing or heavy petting. I’m not even sure what 12 year-old boys know about intimacy these days. But after a few short minutes, I walked away from both women feeling rather sullied by their double standards. It was disappointing to hear of their hypocritical and delusionary understanding of female empowerment.
These two mom’s have very outdated and harmful perceptions of male and female behavior that would undermine women’s movement for equality and consent. Setting aside the spectrum of sexualities in the 21st century, we live in a society that is generally bifurcated to the two sexes. If males are permitted to hunt and collect female attention as easily as Boy Scout badges, then the complementary view requires that females spurn and deflect male advances. Didn’t we just live through several thousand years of this already? What is alarming are parents (moms) who would encourage a 12 year-old pubescent boy with conquest mentalities while restraining a 17 year-old teenage girl who is arguably more aware of the sanctity of her own image and body. These parents have single handedly perpetuated the predator/prey mentality. Before I walked away, I ask ‘what if it was your 12 year-old girl who was brought into a boy’s home?’ “Then she’d be grounded,” was their collective reply. SMH.
I even had people asked if I was going to try for a boy after seeing my daughter. Why? Was having a female child a consolation prize?
I don’t have a son. If I did, I’d teach him that girls are equals and the way to win them over is through respect. But I do have a daughter. I do teach her that boys are equals and the way to win them over is also respect. But more precisely is to be smart, just and resilient. There are obviously more favorable characteristics, but what’s important is that regardless of the traits, it’s reciprocal. I could easily have said that women are attracted to men who are smart, just and resilient. In other words, there should be one standard, not two.
Our society is still filled with inequities. I recall changing my daughter’s diaper once upon a time, on the floor of the men’s room because there wasn’t a change table there. I remember a couple of strange young women referring to me as a Brooklyn-dad when I took my daughter out for a stroll in Central Park. I wasn’t babysitting my daughter; I am my daughter’s primary caregiver. And I am not from Brooklyn. Though, I’m sure it’s a nice place to raise a family. I don’t expect medals for being a dad. So don’t lavish me with praise like I’m a volunteer at parenting. I even had people asked if I was going to try for a boy after seeing my daughter. Why? Was having a female child a consolation prize?
Until society stops applying double standards on fathers and mothers, we have no hope in stopping to perpetuate double standards in our children. Heck, I’ve even had naysayers about this blog when I first proposed the idea. Many tilted their heads and gave a dismissive that’s nice smile, never expecting that I’d have something to say about the topic much less write about it every week! Well, given the material I have to work with, I will never run out of things to say.
