The birds and the bees (Part 3): Sperm and egg

My daughter’s burgeoning interest in the physical world continues its onward assimilation of all things she sees, hears and reads. Just the other day, she asked me where egg comes from. I said, “From the Farmer’s Market or local grocery store. Why? Did you want me to boil you one for lunch?” No! She actually wanted to know where turtle eggs come from. She knows birds and reptiles lay eggs but wanted to ask a series of follow on questions. In my on-going conversation with my daughter about the birds and the bees (Part 1 and Part 2), our exchange on animal sexuality went like the following:

“Female turtles already have eggs in their bodies but are very tiny,” I said. How tiny? she inquired.
“Very tiny.” Why do they get big?
“When a female turtle meets a male turtle, the eggs change.” Boys have sperm?
“Yes, male animals have sperm.” So the boy sperm makes the eggs get bigger?
“Yes, it changes the egg.” So the eggs grow inside of the girl turtle’s stomach?
“Not the stomach, but the womb where the babies are kept safe, separate from the stomach where food is digested.” And when the eggs are ready to come out, the turtle poops it out of the bum?
“The eggs come out of the vaginal.” Eeeeeeeekk! OMG, that’s yucky! And that was the end of that conversation.

Readers will notice that the dialog was absent of some fundamental physiology and courting behavior, particularly: animals fight over mating partners; engage in ritualistic behavior; the process of intercourse including erection, insertion and ejaculation. But consider this: my 8 year-old now understands that creation of life involves male and female. Each brings together a puzzle piece of sperm and egg. The eggs grow but it is not in the tummy as most kids are told, but in a special compartment called the womb and it is born through the vaginal opening. This is mind blowing for an 8 year-old — and truly disgusting according to my daughter!

The important thing to note here is that you needn’t have a rehearsed speech on sexuality with an 8 year-old. There is no need to divulge all about human sexuality in one conversation. In fact, that approach is best discouraged. The best approach is to continue to have a series of simple, fact-based revelations that are driven by her interest and questions.

My daughter ended that conversation quickly. I’m okay with that. We go at her pace. For me, I’m in no hurry as my child shows predictable and incremental interest in the topic. She understands at a conceptual level that adult males and females together produce babies. Babies are born and females may nurse. For now, she is satisfied with this knowledge. The important thing to note here is that you needn’t have a rehearsed speech on sexuality with an 8 year-old. There is no need to divulge all about human sexuality in one conversation. In fact, that approach is best discouraged.

Sex is still an academic topic for my daughter and she is seeking to understand it incrementally through the natural world, so there is no need for me to push. Since there is no sex-ed program being taught at my daughter’s school until the later grades, this means I have more time for these ongoing and multiple conversations at home. I’d much rather this approach than for her to come home with a bunch of questions on topics introduced by the school to a horde of giddy children in various stages of enlightenment.

Readers know that I take a secular view of things and I want my daughter to observe and learn things with as few filters as possible. I believe the best approach is to continue to have a series of simple, fact-based revelations that are driven by her interest and questions. This way, she gets the right answers to the questions that are actually on her mind at the appropriate time.