During last year’s annual Spring Concert at my daughter’s cello school, I got a chance to catch up with some really good parent-friends I got along with and we realized we actually haven’t had a conversation in over two years! So how are things, they asked. “Well, my daughter’s doing well. She swims like a fish, gets straight A’s in school, going to a high school of her choice next year and retains a circle of good friends and is healthy and happy.” Great! What about you? “Well, I partied and stayed up both nights of the past weekend until 4am, came home drunk the week before, haven’t seen a dumbbell since the pandemic, not eating well, stressed out job, four lawsuits and I take drugs to go to sleep. But other than that, I’m great!” They looked at me with deadpan faces as I cracked up!

Everything I said was true. It’s just the delivery was a bit dramatic! But the people who know me well understood my struggle. As I sigh through a cup of steaming tea, all I want for Christmas is to be left alone! That—and without into specifics—I also wished people would simply do the things they said they would and say the things they do. And when that repeatedly doesn’t happen and it has an adverse and negative impact on our lives, that’s when I surround myself with people who can respond professionally.

 

I deal with only things that truly matter immediately and then take the time to deal with things that matter the most in a deliberate and measured manner. In fact, over the years, my bullshit screening operates like a HEPA filter.

 

Even with the best hired help in the world, there are only 24 hours in a day. So, putting things into perspective, I cannot solve these problems in one day. It takes time, and doing the right thing, often takes longer. So as my dumpster smothers, others will see disaster. But I see earnest effort in extinguishing it.

I learned from an executive at work to touch things once and then move on. Items that require his attention, he deals with quickly rather than deferring or postponing which simply adds more minutes spent on that matter. Conversely, matters that are immaterial or not in his purview gets delegated, dialed down in priority or simply deferred with a long end date. Using this method in my personal life, I deal with only things that truly matter immediately and then take the time to deal with things that matter the most in a deliberate and measured manner. Everything else is filtered. In fact, over the years, my bullshit screening operates like a HEPA filter.

My daughter often asked me how have I not gone ballistic and completely melted down with the stress I deal with? Sometimes, I’m surprised I am still coherent. But I muster the strength and said, “A good tirage system with professional people. And I put the stress back from whence it came.” Uh?  “I know my lawsuits will end. I have good people handling it with me. I know my job is stressful and I have good people on my team. I know being a single dad is difficult, but I have a great only-child who makes it easier. And I blow off steam with my buddies and dad-group and sometimes I commiserate over too much alcohol.” That’s is true, dad, she confirmed. “But they always make sure I am okay and get home safely to my you. Is there a quick fix? No. But there is melatonin, and it helps to quiet my mind so I can grab at least 5 hours of sleep a night.” You’re gonna stop taking that right, dad? “Already have, kiddo. Besides, life’s great. How can it not be with you?”