When you lose something of hers
we teach our kids to watch over and take care of their things whether it’s a backpack, toys or a borrowed library book. Most of the time, they are diligent and exercise care. Sometimes they don’t. But even as adults, we get frustrated when we misplace our own keys, wallet and glasses. We especially get frustrated when our kids misplace or mistreat stuff they borrow from us. I remember giving my daughter a few harsh words when she forgot where she’d laid down my phone after she asked to play with a game. But what happens when we borrow something of theirs and we lose it? I found out what happened.
We were on a flight and I asked my daughter if I could borrow her piggy cell phone stand that had a suction cup where the head would have been. It’s an ingenious way of propping up a phone at 45 degree angle to watch a video. Well, guess what? In the rush to pack up all the stuff prior to deplaning, it must have fallen off the tray table and bounced a few seats away. When my daughter asked for it back and I couldn’t produce it, she first gave me a WTF look and then her face melted into tears. “That pink piggy meant a lot to me and you should take care of the things you borrowed from me!” Wow. Did that comment sting! It sounded something I’ve said to her in the past. She’s absolutely right. To me, it was a cheap rubber suction cup that was literally a dime a dozen, but to her it was something more. She bought it with her own allowance money. This wasn’t my first offense.
A thing is not just a thing; it’s what the thing symbolizes. Misplacing or losing what she lent to you is akin to misplacing or losing a part of her spirit. You didn’t just lose a thing; you lost a bit of her trust.
Another time, she weaved me a bracelet out of a multi-colored skein of yarn. I wore it for a few hours around the house and then took it off when I went to shower. Since I don’t usually wear jewelry of any sort, I didn’t put it back on. The bracelet either went into the laundry or out with the trash. This time, my daughter was even more upset because she made the thing I lost! She weaved me another and I had to pinkie-promise to wear it everywhere (even to work). It fell apart after a few days and then it was too frayed to be worn. I held on to the tatters for her to see. She weaved me a replacement.
She’s sweet and I’m glad I’m still the focus of a lot of her attention. A few weeks ago, she brought home a pencil she had won from school. It was one of those special mechanical pencils with replaceable graphite that she knows I like to use. She said that it took her a long time and multiple efforts to win it … it must be one of those ongoing academic challenges at school. I was proud of her for winning it and proud to be the recipient of it. I keep it in my jar of pens in my den and it doesn’t leave that room for fear of it going missing.
For children, a thing is not just a thing; it’s what the thing symbolizes. Whether it is an effort of labor or bought at her expense, she’s assigned significance to it so it means something to her. The fact that she lends or gives it to you is a testament of her noble heart and her love for you. Misplacing or losing what she lent to you is akin to misplacing or losing a part of her spirit. You didn’t just lose a thing; you lost a bit of her trust.
A few months ago, I gave my daughter a key to my house not expecting she’ll ever use it at this age by herself. Imagine what it would mean to either of us if she lost that!