Why are men often portrayed as dimwitted? And how does it help us?

I am a father of a little girl and I want her to stand on the shoulders of all women who came before her so she understands, respects and defends sacrifice, past and present, of those who made life more free and safe for women everywhere. I’m all for empowering women and pushing the dial forward to true equality in the twenty-first century.  Then somehow things got tribal. It matters little who the actors were and what events prompted it, but some view that the rise of women needs to parallel the indifference to man’s decline.

We see this often in mainstream media. Men are portrayed as inept husbands and boyfriends receiving directions from trivializing partners. Indeed, some of these messaging are quite overt. I’ve seen TV commercials of a man being educated by his wife on dishwasher detergent. Or a man opening the refrigerator door and decides to order out instead of cooking, presumably to impress his wife who is arriving late from work. The advertiser knows that any romantic attempt to cook a failed dinner will not move products; but an incompetent man ordering-in will drive people to call for delivery. It’s so easy, even an idiot can do it. The ad may be partly and demographically correct but it comes at the expense of character assassination of all men in general. Creating a need by demonstrating a lack of knowledge is one sure way of capturing product sales, but do advertisers know that storylines like these continue to anchor women in their traditional roles of cooking and cleaning? Is it also ironic that chefs in most restaurants happened to be men (who may choose not to cook at home) or that most men have borderline compulsive disorders when it comes to arranging and rearranging dishes in the washer? Clearly we can’t all be like the on-screen imbecile.

 

To knock down someone so we can feel better about ourselves expresses nothing but a victim mentality. And what comforts would we derive by hurting someone just so we can heal? At the end of the day, most of us don’t want to follow. Equally true, most of us do not want the onus to lead. We simply want to walk as equals.

 

Even worst is in the area of childrearing, another historical domain of women. Men have an uphill battle and often dismissed as marginal contributors to children’s upbringing. Eventually, even the most attentive fathers become second chair and defer to the mother. This resignation may even permeate beyond parenting. I know buddies who are brilliant artists, engineers, mechanics, lawyers, doctors, PhD’s and even presidents who need to check-in with mission control (their words, not mine) to seek consensus or permission from their wives for the simplest decisions. Little do they know that their wives, some of whom are also my friends, tell me that if decisions are made with the family in mind, then the ‘woman of the house’ might actually feel relieved from the burden of always being the arbiter.

It’s easy for me to say this because I don’t need to consult my ex-wife for many decision and if I need an arbiter for truly contentious things, the courts have enforced my argued position and imposed it upon her for the benefit of our daughter. However, I don’t recommend this time consuming and extremely costly method of escalation. But it is good news that most courts prioritize the needs of the child above all else, however men must still credibly and convincingly demonstrate more than just wherewithal.

Women are powerful not because they are surrounded by idiotic men. Nor are their competencies elevated by deliberately debasing them through grievances. Women are capable simply because they are. Whoever conjured the term ‘battle of the sexes’, did so for the wrong reasons. If it was a man, his erroneous thinking was that eventual equality must be fought for by women to earn a spot at the podium. If it was a woman, her erroneous thinking was that she must battle to achieve standards set by a man. Both perspectives are a sham and it doesn’t help us—the collective us. To knock down someone so we can feel better about ourselves expresses nothing but a victim mentality. And what comforts would we derive by hurting someone just so we can heal? I truly believe that if both sides stop competing with each other, much wasted energy could be better directed at truly mutual interests. At the end of the day, most of us don’t want to follow. Equally true, most of us do not want the onus to lead. We simply want to walk as equals.