The friendship that survived strong words is showing cracks not from within, but from without. When my daughter faced her bestie and confronted her with dissatisfaction, I assured her that if the friendship is strong enough, then these words are not only necessary, but in the long run, make the friendship even stronger. But unfortunately, it appears that this friend is unwilling to share her best friend (my daughter) with others.

The behavior to share is not typically practiced by only-children as many of them have their own…everything. Only-children of divorce may even get two of certain things (one in each household) so sharing is even more of a foreign concept. But friendships don’t work that way. The bestie getting upset at my daughter wanting to talk to other girls struck her as a bit controlling. Her other friends told the bestie that my daughter was free to hang with whomever she wanted only added to the bestie’s disappointment. And the bestie not being in the clique with these girls totally felt the anxiety mounting and took it out on my daughter for abandoning her.

 

I looked around the classroom and could hardly believe that most of the friends I had right there wouldn’t be in my future. Decades later, I realized my teacher was right. 

 

Friendship is a two-way street and at this age, my daughter knows that she has no responsibility to carry another individual—not a parent and certainly not another minor. “Why does your bestie want you to herself exclusively?” I asked. Because she is rude to others and she thinks she’s always right. “So why do you like her?” Cuz she’s smart. “So, your friend offers you witty conversations, but only during one-on-one.” She doesn’t have many friends cuz she thinks they are stupid. “So your friend is intellectually smart, but socially immature.” I guess.

I recalled for my daughter what I remembered one of my high school teachers said: my best friends in life are the ones I’ll meet at college or university; I’ll only remember and keep one or two from high school. I was surprised at that time. I looked around the classroom and could hardly believe that most of the friends I had right there wouldn’t be in my future. Decades later, I realized she was right. Most of my friends are from university and only a handful from high school. I asked some of my uni friends if they remember anybody from their high school days. There were only vague memories and some even said they’ve lost touch with everyone prior to college.

I explained to my daughter that the people she meets in life are like taking a bus across town. Some people will get on and others will get off depending on their own destination. Very few will be taking the full journey. The bus could be nearly empty by the time she’s exits. That’s so sad, dad. I laughed. “You’ll be fine. You’ll be going to a new high school and from there you’ll meet your lifelong friends. The best is yet to come.” And just like that, she went off to regroup with her friends as I dropped her off to her last year of middle school.