Hot, humid summer days are always tricky for me to pick the right business-casual attire that functions well in this weather to wear to the office. While I know what looks nice on other people, it’s dressing myself that’s always a challenge. So, on that day, I kept it simple with a pair of dark blue chinos, leather shoes, matching belt and a baby blue bespoke shirt. It was simple, understated, clean and summery look and feel. As I didn’t wear a necktie, I didn’t need to button my shirt all the way up.

Then my daughter saw my self-declared, well put-together ensemble as I went to pick her up at the end of the work/school day and she made the comment, “Daddy, why can you show up to work showing half your chest and I can’t wear a crop top to school?” The jolt was a little sudden and I got defensive and said, you cannot see half my chest. I also explained that I dressed appropriately with pressed shirts and pants to work vs tank tops and shorts. I followed that she must also treat her school like a workplace and not go in tube tops and flip flops. She was unphased. Relentlessly, I pressed on saying that the world treats her differently as a young female compared to me as a middle-aged man. Power and sexism have sometimes nefarious undercurrents. She was indignant. Realizing I was flailing like a fish, I made some silly remark that the crop tops I did buy her weren’t really clothes as half the material is missing and they are more sleeping garments. I paid full price and got half the material. At this point, she’s just giving me cut eye at the lameness of these excuses as I have lost all credibility on justifying why she can’t wear crop tops to school as her girlfriends already do—some even sporting belly button piercing!

 

In fact, compared to some of her peers, she’s remarkably restraint. She’s even remarked why in some private or Catholic schools require girls to wear above the knee skirts and said it was sexist. 

 

I quickly realized that this argument wasn’t the parental hill-to-die-on. After explaining what that analogy meant, I confirmed that whether she wears crop tops to the last, hot, humid almost summer days to school or not simply wasn’t the proverbial fashion-runway-to-trip-over. Let her win this one, I thought. If I forbad it, it would make me a hypocrite and she would wind up doing it behind my back. Neither were outcomes that describe our father-daughter relationship.

My daughter and I have rarely tussled over dress codes. Her outfits have obviously grown from onesies, tights, summer dresses, jeans, ripped jeans and other purposely oversized and aged clothing including constantly raiding my closet for ‘vintage’ attire! Her clothing choices were typically teenage-like but never suggestive or inappropriate. In fact, compared to some of her peers, she’s remarkably restraint. She’s even remarked why some private or Catholic schools require girls to wear above the knee skirts and guys got to wear full jackets and long pants. That’s sexist. She’d even said that if I had ever sent her to a school like that, she’d rebel and show up in a snowsuit. I think I did something right!

I’ve always gone clothes shopping with my daughter including taking her to the women’s undergarment department, bought her dresses and even a little black number complete with 3-inch heels. I cannot now refuse to participate in any future shopping trips simply because she chooses something differently than I would especially as her tastes have matured in time. The only thing I can meaningfully do is to continue to guide her to make good choices. One skimpy outfit does not a wardrobe malfunction make. And dressing in turtlenecks does not make chaste, either. So, wearing what is appropriate, respectful and self-representing is just the physicalization of what is already on her mind.