Your tantrums are more upsetting than hers

We’re guys. And we have tempers. We may not hold a grudge (for long) but we will react like black powder. That’s us. If you blow up in front of friends, they may just let you vent. If you do this at work, people will remember your triggers and buttons. If you do this in front of your children, the outburst will ripple through their memories for a long time.

One day, I placed a call to my daughter’s doctor’s office with a very specific question about her health. The administrator said that the doctor will call me back and discuss. The entire day goes by and finally around 7pm that night, call display showed that the good doctor was calling. Finally! With dinner preparation in full swing as pots boiling and sauce on my greasy hands, I grab the phone after the fourth ring. The phone slips out of my hand and flips over. Frustrated, I grab the phone a second time and managed to knock over a glass of wine, too. With disgust, I put the phone to my ear as I heard her voice, thankful she didn’t hung up.

“Hello!” I said.
“Hello? Hello? Are you there?” asked the doctor.
After a few more echoing hello’s I realized that the phone had muted itself when it flipped. I heard the doctor hang up.

How does that happen? Blasted phone! Why are phones made of the smoothest materials encasing a piece of frictionless glass? I had waited 10 hours for this call and was moments away from gaining insight on my daughter’s health.  With frustration redlining, I flipped the phone across the counter, hard. Like bowling pins, it knocked over some bottles of salad dressing, too. Incredibly, the phone landed on its front and somehow managed to dial a number and put itself on speaker mode! Why couldn’t it have done that when the doctor was calling? I had no idea who the phone was calling now, so I leapt across and grab the phone to hang up. Pressing the little buttons on the glass didn’t work. In fact, the phone wasn’t responding to any touches. It was frozen. Curses and expletives. Maybe another throw would hang up the phone. It went flying across the room and landed on the floor with a thud.

At six years-old, they kind of have a pass for throwing tantrums because they are hungry or tired or overwhelmed. What’s your excuse?

I turned around to tend to the stove and realized my six year-old was standing there! The blood in my face drained to match hers. She was absolutely terrified. How could a man who shares such tender cuddles and bedtime stories be capable of such a sudden and monstrous outburst? She was scared. Jekyll had become Hyde over a ringing phone.

The only thing I could say, was, “I’m sorry. I’m not upset with you. In fact, I was very frustrated because I wanted to talk to your doctor and the phone didn’t work.” Well, it wasn’t the phone that didn’t work the way it was supposed to. It was daddy, who didn’t work the way he was supposed to.

After a few more warm words, she was feeling much better. She went over to pick the phone off the floor and handed it back to me, then went off to play while she waited for dinner. The phone was not cracked, my daughter was fine, yet I felt even worst. I behaved very badly.

We had a good dinner. We went through our usual turn down routine and just before she went to bed, she gave her an extra-long hug. She was cool about it. In years to come, she will not remember the phone, but she will remember the emotion I triggered in her. I will remember them both. Nice going, dad! At six years-old, they kind of have a pass for throwing tantrums because they are hungry or tired or overwhelmed. What’s your excuse?