Parenting isn’t about the parent (Case study 4): F-bombing parent

Sometimes parents just need to chill the f-out! I get that parents are protective of their children. I get that parents think their kids are smart and good looking. I get that parents want their kids to rule the universe. But in reality, their kids are just ordinary. And the parents themselves are more of that same as the apple rarely falls far from the tree.

Before the lockdown, I was dropping my daughter off by car one morning. After she exited and went into the playground, I waved and started to pull away from the curb. It was already a busy street and there are kids and parents in the school zone but my reverse light obviously wasn’t to a mom’s liking who banged on the back of my car and started to yell that I should ‘watch it.’ The banging was more startling to me and I wondered why any parent would allow a kindergartener, who is barely taller than my bumper, to cross between parked cars by themselves. Nevertheless, I rolled down my rear passenger window and began to say something less than incendiary. But she preempted me, feeling that I was about to dress her down, she launch a verbal attack. Started screaming at me from the sidewalk accusing me of being an f-ing idiot and I should watch out for kids in a schoolyard. “My car wasn’t even moving, you blind bat,” I brushed off. “And does your child know the meaning of the f-word?”  Like kerosene to a fire, she felt emboldened to take another pass at carpet f-bombing me. To mine and to the shock of the other parents nearby, including my daughter who didn’t go far, a torrent of f-bombs rained down about me being f-ing inconsiderate, f-ing ignorant, and an f-ing danger to society. She was beginning to cause a disturbance now and the other parents (including me) were simply stunned at her absolute inability to exercise basic schoolyard decorum. Her own child was frightened to the point where he had started to cry.

 

I’m not one to engage in unworthy battles, but there’s always an element of offense & deterrence in my defense. Being agreeable will only exacerbate her irrationality as she finds vindication, so my response had to have an arresting effect. 

 

Rather than engaging in reciprocal ground assault, I rolled down all my windows and said loudly, “What a model parent of good behavior you have shown so publicly. I wish we could all be like you.” And as I began to drive away, I let loose a nuke from above, “Please don’t have any more children. They will grow up to hate you anyway.

I will never know what this woman’s emotional state but that’s irrelevant. To me, she’s just another fire-starter, righteous, yoga mama. I’m not one to engage in unworthy battles, but there’s always an element of offense and deterrence in my defense. Being agreeable will only exacerbate her irrationality as she finds vindication, so my response had to have an arresting effect.

At the end of that day, my daughter asked me what had happened. I said the mother thought I was going to back over her child with my truck. “But you were parked, daddy,” she said. It doesn’t matter, I explained. People will think and react the way they choose and no amount of facts will change it. Did you hear her swearing? “The whole schoolyard did!” she offered. Did other parents go up to her to ask what has the matter? “Nobody approached her.” I love karma.

I saw this woman in the school ground days later and she completely avoided eye contact with me. Good. She is teachable. Sometimes, the worse part of parenting is the parent!