I won’t lie; I do enjoy (need) the time when my daughter is not with me

Fatherhood has changed me in ways I could never have imagined. It is especially true if you are a father to a girl; your perspective on things really gets upended. As much I am inundated with happiness, sadness, frustration, anger and the general range of emotions that my daughter elicits in me, I’ll take it warts and all and wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world. Unfortunately, as a shared custody parent, my daughter is only with me half the time. So rather than lament on the fact that I only see her half the time, I use the other time wisely to recharge, re-plan and get organized so when she’s not with me, I am in maintenance mode and can spring to 100% daddy mode when I need to. Like a Formula One car, there will be times when you need to drop your speed to 0 mph for a necessary pit stop before you can go 200 mph again.

Like a Formula One car, there will be times when you need to drop your speed to 0 mph for a necessary pit stop before you can go 200 mph again.

For the times I need to stay late at work to catch up, I simply stay late on nights I don’t have daddy duties and grab a late dinner or a drink with other late working coworkers. Maybe I want to catch up with an old college friend who is flying in town for business. Or it could be simple as having a nice quiet dinner for two at a restaurant that don’t normally cater to children. Whatever it is, I can get home late without guilt and worry the impact this has on my child or anyone else. Being on my own half the time, gives me solid blocks of time that I can use to run personal errands that would otherwise take too long with a child in tow. Besides, a 6 year-old has no interest in following me to do groceries, go to the dry cleaners, balance my books, hit the gym, or even play a few founds of video games.  On my own time, I get everything done so when my daughter is back with me, she’s my focus and not the unfinished errands.

My married friends with children are often envious of the time I have on my own. If nothing else, they wished they could sleep in every other weekend. What some of them don’t know is that I am often envious of them having a spouse in the home and providing a two parent family to the children and all the craziness that goes with it. But my life is the way it is partly because of my own choosing. We all have our own stories and I’m happy with the way mine is being told. I know someone at work with a wife and four kids. And he tells me he takes solo vacations in addition to family vacations. His wife does the same. Out of the ordinary, yes, but it is certainly not illogical. He also tells me that it does wonders for the marriage, too.

So whether you are a single dad or a married dad, a dad to one or a dad to a few, make sure you carve out time for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it. Those who give you grief probably wish they have the option to do otherwise.