Between the media and her peers, my daughter’s interest in makeup was really only a matter of time. It started with lip balm, lip gloss, moisturizer, and then one day, her mom dropped her off at my house and I notice the mascara! Well, I can’t be entirely surprised; she is after all a teenager! I also think that 13 is probably an appropriate age to experiment not because she’s reached a magical age of being a teen, but she is sufficiently confident in her looks and identity that her experimentation is akin to trying on different outfits to express her moods.

For my daughter, it was another rite of passage. Many of her friends have some form of makeup and manicure. I didn’t think it was unreasonable because they were doing it for themselves, not for others (I hope). To forbid her from doing this could drive the behavior underground. She’ll hide her makeup and use it at school and only to wipe it off when she comes home. This type of clandestine behavior builds distrust and it will rot our relationship. I also don’t want her to use part of her lunch money to buy cheap makeup containing questionable chemicals and then not be hygienic about removal.

 

Makeup is her inner-self expressed outwardly to the world; it is not a mask to cover up something or to makeup what might be missing on the inside.

 

We briefly spoke of some guidelines and I let her make good decision so that I don’t need to make paternalistic ones. Highlights in hair, mascara, lip gloss and nail polish are quite acceptable, but it would be unnecessary to put on a full foundation and apply heavy eye shadow an hour before going to school. I also said that whatever goes on her face during the day, must come off at night. In fact, from a skin care perspective, taking makeup off is far more important than putting makeup on! She gets it and also said that because she swims so often, she won’t even put on makeup every day.

I also took this opportunity to tell her that depending on the day, makeup can actually make her acne even worse. Skin needs to breathe. Some girls cover up pimples and blackheads. Concealer can adversely affect the time skin needs to recover from this adolescent phase. So ironically, a moment of beauty can actually worsen skin health thus requiring more makeup and then a spiral begins. I also mentioned to her that she must never, never share makeup applicators and lipsticks with friends. They are very personal products and bacteria including cold sores can be spread this way.

So when she feels that she doesn’t need to hide it and I support her incremental experiments with good quality products and excellent hygiene, my daughter feels makeup is situational. Like putting on a sun dress for a garden party or platform boots for a formal dinner (really?)! The dress doesn’t change who she is; it is just an expression of what she feels. In other words, makeup is her inner-self expressed outwardly to the world; to her, it is not a mask to cover up something or to makeup what might be missing on the inside.