You can’t post until you’re 12
Cell phone communication is essential these days. And that’s why my daughter got one when she started to travel to school and back on her own. I programmed mine and her mom’s phone number so there is a two way check-in system. She also uses it to WhatsApp her friends and participate in other voice, text and video conferencing activities with known persons. But having a functional phone with a data plan does introduce other distractions like YouTube, TikTok and other social platforms. I help her manage screen time and content consumption to reduce her online footprint and encourage outdoor activities. However, I still feel it is far better to have a cell phone and not use it than needing one but not having it. Her phone and now a life line is generally hers and I don’t threaten to take it back as a form of discipline. However, it doesn’t mean she has free reign either.
She discovered some of her friends have YouTube channels and regularly posts content to their TikTok accounts collecting likes from followers. Then she asked me if she can post! I feel another moment of her wanting to grow up faster than I’m ready to accept. I feel another moment of tug-o-war between reasonable requests and my overprotective nature kicking into autopilot. I feel my mind going to a dark place. She bashes her eyelashes, looks at me adoringly seeking approval. Then I shut her down with an authoritative, “No.”
“First rule of the internet: do not read the comments…it’s not about you; it’s about them.”
I don’t want her to stake out a piece of digital real estate and establish an online identify at the age of 10. I explained to my daughter that although it may be fun to subscribe to her friend’s channel, I’m not willing to allow her to broadcast her life. I liken the digital world to the real world except the people on the internet don’t use their real names and will even hide their real identities with avatars and puppy pictures. There’s no way to tell good people from bad people in the real and it is nearly impossible to do this in a sea of emojis.
Probably the most convincing reason why I don’t let my daughter post is the tsunami of unfiltered comments and feedback it could invite. In the movie Ralph Breaks the Internet, Ralph is seen accidentally wondering into a room with endless short messages of feedback on all the videos he’s posted. He read aloud a few (spelling mistakes and all) and the feedback quickly denigrated into hateful messages that tore down his confidence and ego. The character who played Head Algorithm, found him there and offered, “First rule of the internet: do not read the comments…this place is not about you; it’s about them.” Even as adults we find the majority of comments on social media to be inaccurate, irrelevant and offensive. I know my 10 year old will not have the understanding nor the maturity to separate it all. She will internalize these comments which will inflict serious scars on her psyche.
After my thunderous ‘no,’ I smiled at my daughter and said, “There are two things to know about the internet: everything you post can be public even if it was marked private and it will stay there F-O-R-E-V-E-R.” I’m not ready for her to generate content for public consumption. We can revisit this at 12 when she’s had 2 more years of other people’s social media exposure and experiences. That’s only two years away. In tech years, that’s a lifetime!
