Take your daughter overseas, even if you have to go to court first
There are plenty of articles out there singing praises of a father / daughter trip. The benefits are truly undeniable whether you decide to do a weekend camping trip in Canada or a cross-country road trip for as long as the Interstate highways will take you. Heck, even crossing the border into Mexico can be a fun-filled immersion into another culture. But these aren’t the kind of incidental trips I’m referring; I’m talking about taking an airplane to another continent!
A couple of years ago, I had to go to court to get a travel order to visit family on a far side of the world. For whatever reasons, my ex-wife didn’t want me to travel with our (then 4 year-old) daughter and cited all sorts of reasons including distance, health insurance, language barrier, access, etc. as reasons for denial. I believe the true reasons had nothing to do with the above. The family law judge agreed. The judge saw no evidence of flight risk or other concerns and ordered my ex-wife to provide signed travel consent for the two and a half weeks we were booked. The judge also stated that in a country with diverse immigration such as ours, it is not unreasonable to expect that citizens have family abroad and should visit them. While the court proceedings were short and I kept much of it away from my daughter, she was aware enough to ask “if I was taking mommy to court.” As simple as I can explain, it’s little different from asking an adult to help if two kids can’t share a toy at kindergarten. The judge in this case, was simply helping mommy and daddy share time. My daughter was still a bit apprehensive and she said that she didn’t know anyone in this new place. My brief and comforting reply back to her was that, “It didn’t matter whether you know anyone there, because everyone there already knows you.”
The judge saw no evidence of flight risk or other concerns. The judge also stated that in a country with diverse immigration such as ours, it is not unreasonable to expect that citizens have family abroad and should visit them. And the benefit of overseas trips is that it provides a sense of total immersion that cannot be replicated back home. I can’t imagine the travel opportunities that would have been foreclosed, if I didn’t go to court that first time.
And what a fantastic trip it turned out to be. The top three things that broadened my daughter’s view of the world after this trip were so eye-opening and it is something that she can never forget, even if she tried.
First, everywhere we went, we were met by family. Though she was hesitant at first, she eventually and fully understood the meaning that everyone knew who she was. Many of the uncles, aunts, cousins and other distance relatives had only seen pictures of my daughter and were so happy to see what had transpired since the toddler years – which was the last time some had seen her in person. Another eureka moment she discovered was when she said, “Daddy, you have a big family, everywhere.” To which I responded, “You thought it was just you and me living in a little house back home? This isn’t just my family, this is your family.”
Second, the benefit of overseas travel is that it provides a sense of total immersion that cannot be replicated back home. Even the same language had different dialects and accents that took a while to get used to. Sometimes, it felt like it was another language in another land. The language was the same, yet different; the foods were the same, yet different and even though we saw familiarity with practice and customs, they, too, were different. It hugely broadened my daughter’s world that only total immersion can provide.
Finally, while I fully immersed myself into the environment as I sat, ate, drank and endlessly regaled stories with family and friends, old and new, it would have been colossal dullness for my daughter to participate in these rather sedate activities only boring adults would do. So at every opportunity, I made sure that my daughter had equivalent aged children (from family members or kids of friends) she can interact and play with. She loved the independence. This wasn’t just a trip for me bringing my daughter along, but a trip for both of us. And if I want her to accompany me on these trips when she gets older, she has to make ties now which will pull her back to her own roots — roots she has to develop by forging her own bonds now.
Even though the court order cost me thousands of dollars and would have paid for the trip itself, the memories and experience for us were priceless on so many levels. It also demonstrated to my ex-wife the extent I would go to stand up for me and especially my daughter against what I called unjustified limitations. The travel precedent had been set and it made subsequent out of country trips easier. (Not entirely painless, but much easier.) I can’t imagine the travel opportunities that would have been foreclosed if I didn’t go to court that very first time.