Why do kids hate practicing?

Five years ago, my daughter’s love affair with the cello started. She loves the sound of the instrument. She loves the pieces she’s learning. She looks forward to every lesson, whether in person or virtual. She loves the orchestra sessions. She has a bunch of friends she sees weekly and as far as I can tell, this will keep going forever. But every week, no word of a lie, it is a struggle to get her to practice at home by herself. The mere mention of practice or unpacking of the instrument to tune the strings or anything that has to do with practicing at home seem to give her hives. She practices even less at her mom’s but that’s another story altogether. I even bought her a 30-minute hourglass so she can keep track of per practice times. On the first night, she spent the full 30 minutes watching the sand fall through! But when she finally does practice, she plays beautifully. It’s overcoming that inertia and motivating her into that mindset at home that is horrendously difficult. So, I enlisted the help of music teachers in her school for help. Here is what they shared with me with varying degrees of success. I hope you’ll find these tips useful.

 

Practice doesn’t make perfect; practice makes permanent, so don’t force it. It also doesn’t have to have a beginning or an end. Practice is a social activity and should include experimentation.

 

• Practice doesn’t make perfect; practice makes permanent. If you force a child to go through the motions of practicing, they will rush through it and they will not self-correct. They will ignore good posture, finger techniques, tuning and the end result is simply a wasted opportunity. Practicing with this mindset will only cement errors and bad habits, so don’t force it.
• Practice doesn’t have to have a beginning or an end. It also doesn’t need to have a specific duration. Picking up the instrument and working on harmonics for 5 minutes and then putting the instrument down is a perfectly acceptable approach. Vibrato technique is another example of an isolated practice that can even be done without an instrument. Practice can and should be specific and targeted.
• Practice doesn’t mean playing the repertoire of music to perfection. The same piece of music will sound differently each time it is played. It is the result of a state of mind, not just the actions of the body.
• Practice is a student’s commitment to the teacher, not you, the parent. The teacher is prepared to teach. The student shows up to learn. The result is a consequence of that agreement. It’s the responsibility of the student to internalize that lesson so the next lesson can be built on top. Otherwise, they risk repeating the same lesson over and over again. The student is practicing for herself; she is not doing it for you.
• Practice doesn’t mean working on new music only. If a student stops playing the music they have learned, then like dominos the older pieces will fall away and eventually forgotten. Practice also means replaying older pieces from years ago.
• Practice is also a social activity. Be in close proximity to her. Don’t browse your phone when she is practicing. Sit close by and read a book, instead. Be participative and listen to her practice like it was a radio—but don’t correct her; let her self-correct. Only her teacher is qualified to judge.
• Practice is also experimenting. Color outside the lines. Encourage them to play other simple pieces that aren’t just classics. Find a contemporary or popular sheet music and give them the opportunity to play the first bar of an Ariana Grande diddy. Let her improvise!

Whatever you do, don’t threaten or yell at them to action. For any skill worth developing, it requires a more than considerable amount of time to develop. Preparing for a 15 minute recital once or twice a year will require a disproportionate number of hours to produce those quality 15 minutes. So why would you want to make these hours difficult, mind-numbing and done under duress?