The birds and the bees (Part 8): Sexuality is a spectrum
A group of us were meeting up for lunch. A few familiar faces had already shown up. We caught up a bit and then another arrived. I didn’t know the man approaching us, but one of my friends does. Upon his approach, he was introduced and I stood up and offered my hand. We shook and smile congenially and introduced ourselves. I felt a little something extra as he held my outstretched hand for a fraction of a second longer than usual and then my friend said to this handsome hand shaker, “Don’t bother, he’s a breeder” and jokingly pointing to my daughter as my ‘offspring’. I was surprised how quickly the conversation had already turned from PG to R—maybe even X-rated. We all laughed except my daughter who was sitting quietly in my shadow. After a great lunch with more normative conversations, we left and then my daughter asked, “Daddy, do you have many gay friends?” A few, but probably more that I don’t know about, I replied.
My daughter and I never had a discussion on homosexuality but she’s been aware of this since she has friends who come from families with two moms or two dads. Heck, back when she was 8 years-old, she even asked me to marry one of her friend’s two moms so the girls could be sisters! She also learned from her garden club that in nature, sexes aren’t bifurcated and organisms can possess both sexes and reproduction can happen spontaneously with only one sex. With this type of understanding and acceptance as a baseline, it makes it much easier to have a discussion that sexuality is a fluidic concept. If you are struggling to explain these potentially controversial topics to your daughter, consider a few neutral declarations that can be used to ease into a discussion if the topic ever comes up.
No species has been found in which homosexual behaviour has not been shown to exist…moreover, a part of the animal kingdom is hermaphroditic, truly bisexual. For them, homosexuality is not an issue.” In nature, real diversity is not just about all things visible; it’s about the invisible, too.
Nothing is ever what it seems. Appearance never tells the whole story just as a book can’t be judged by its cover. How a person is dressed is both an expression of how they feel and how they want to be greeted. Once upon a time, women weren’t allowed to wear pants. They weren’t allowed to join the military. Or even be in public without an escort. Once upon a time, men never cleaned the house nor went grocery shopping. Men didn’t raise children. Change requires knowing the difference and out of necessity or informed choice, behavior can follow. To merely continue the same old same old, would foreclose all opportunities of inquiry—this is how ignorance is bred.
There’s nothing unnatural about the natural world. Bisexual and homosexual behaviors are exhibited in nature. Whether they are genetically based which we don’t know or behavior based which we are still studying, non-heterosexual behavior is found everywhere. In fact, according to Petter Bøckman, an advisor to the ‘Against Nature?’ exhibit in the Natural History Museum in Oslo, Norway, “No species has been found in which homosexual behaviour has not been shown to exist, with the exception of species that never have sex at all, such as sea urchins and aphis. Moreover, a part of the animal kingdom is hermaphroditic, truly bisexual. For them, homosexuality is not an issue.”
Sexuality is a private and personal matter. While open societies promote its diversity through Pride Parades that some may find ostentatious and offensive, the reason these gatherings exist as flamboyantly as they do is to counter the still staunch denial and disapproval held by some for this alternative lifestyle. Regardless of how ‘in your face’ some expressions might be, a person’s sexuality is a deeply individual matter. It became public because large segments of the population want it hidden. Sexuality cannot be changed any more than skin color. We couldn’t assess a person’s character based on ethnicity, so why is a personal’s sexual orientation a barometer of propriety?
Just like families that come in different shapes and sizes, sexuality also comes in a multitude of flavors. I’m also glad that more and more societies in the twenty-first century can begin at last to teach children that real diversity is not just about all things visible; inclusion is all that is invisible, as well.
