Don’t be late picking up your daughter. Don’t be early, either

I’m rarely ever late in picking up my daughter from school, aftercare or camp, except once. Two minutes is excusable depending on whose watch you go by. Twenty minutes, not so much. I was 70 minutes late! It was a time when our daughter was in kindergarten; my ex-wife called me to say that something came up at her work and asked me to do the pickup. She’ll swing by after dinner to collect her. It was agreed, except it didn’t happen. At the end of that day, as a creature of habit, I went home. I didn’t pick her up since it wasn’t my night. I had completely forgotten about the conversation that morning. The school tried to call me repeatedly but cell phone signal was weak or non-existence in the underground. When I finally surfaced onto the street level, I had four voicemails! Then the fifth call came in. OMG, I forgot!  It was a good thing that the administrator of the school also had a child in the same class as my daughter and the two played together while he worked. I was profusely apologetic and offered to pay the late fee by the minute! He declined saying that he was here anyway and the girls had a very fun and impromptu play date. Nevertheless, the next morning, I dropped off gift cards to popular restaurants as a thank you.

Young children never want to be left behind. They feel forgotten and unimportant. Infrequent lateness would hit your pocket book harder, but repeated lateness erodes credibility. Specifically, yours. The same is also true if you repeatedly decide to pick up your child earlier than expected. A surprise pick up interferes with their planning however temporary and short-lived those plans might be. It can signal that their plans are subordinate to yours.

Being late that one time was costly. Luckily, my daughter was no worse for wear. Nevertheless, my daughter occasionally experiences being the last to be picked up. While she’s always with care givers, young children never want to be left behind. They feel forgotten and unimportant. Remember, for young children, perception is reality. For older children, they are tired after having spent a whole day at school or camp; you really are a sight for their sore eyes. Infrequent lateness would hit your pocket book harder, but repeated lateness erodes credibility. Specifically, yours.

The same is also true if you repeatedly decide to pick up your child earlier than expected. For you, it’s a nice day and you can skip out of work early and you thought it would be a nice surprise. It probably is. Like infrequent lateness due to uncontrollable reasons, sporadic early pick up has no real impact either way and it could be a nice surprise. But repeated occurrence interferes with normalcy. This is more impactful for grade school kids who are more socially connected with their friends and set in their routines. A surprise pick up interferes with their planning however temporary and short-lived those plans might be. Throwing cold water on their plans for a spontaneous pick-up can potentially disempower them as it signals that their plans are subordinate to yours.

Unless it’s an emergency, sickness, vacation or some other extraordinary circumstance, it’s generally good practice to leave routines alone. While it may not always be possible to prevent late pickups, early pickups are easier to predict and control. Leave them be. Chances are, your second-grader is enjoying the time in her own social circles anyway. Tell me you wouldn’t steal a few minutes and enjoy a free moment to yourself?