Her first boyfriend (Part 4): Parting ways

About four weeks after my daughter broke up with this boy via the grapevine, she received a text from him just as she was setting the table for dinner. She looked it at and asked out loud, ‘Hmmmm, what does he want?’ “Who is it?” I asked. ‘My ex,’ replied my daughter as if it was such a normal and natural thing to say from a 10 year-old. She must have gotten it from me referring to her mom as my ex. She texted back, ‘What’s up?’ The conversation unfolded something like this: he was still thinking about my daughter and was sorry he yelled at her for breaking up with him. He still thinks of her fondly and asked if she would consider getting back together again. She was texting and having a conversation with me, partly looking for help. “Go with what your feelings tell you. You decided to end it because you wanted to be a kid again. Will going out with him give you that?” In the end, she declined his offered.

After the SMS exchange, we started our dinner and I gained a bit of insight into what was going through my daughter’s mind about this whole going out affair. She confirmed to me that initially, it was a fun experience and it offered her a bit of a show-and-tell platform with her circle of girlfriends. When it stopped being fun and actually became restrictive, she went back to her social circle and enlisted their help to get her out of it. She stuck to her guns and wanted her old life back as a kid. Her decision was made for herself—one without guilt or regret. Then she said to me, ‘I should ask him to delete my number.’ I stopped her, “You don’t need to be mean; I think he gets it.” However it ended, they both grew. I’m so proud of them.

 

My advice to my daughter is that every relationship she enters is an opportunity to explore a facet of herself.

 

My advice to my daughter is that every relationship she enters, whether they are temporary or lifelong, is an opportunity to explore a facet of herself. At the age of 10, there is endless room for growth and discovery and I am glad my daughter recognized this rather than forfeit an aspect of herself to stay with someone. Her candid reflection of ‘wanting to be a kid’ again was not only honest but honorable. It was her truth and no apology, restitution or compromise should alter that decision.

Any insight I may have for the boy would be harder to come by as I won’t have an opportunity to talk to him. His father and I did speak briefly and we both agreed that this is something the kids will figure out for themselves. Given the loving family support, the boy will recover quickly also and his disappointment will have no lasting effect. My daughter will be a fleeting memory to him.

In the ensuing weeks that followed, things didn’t get too weird between my daughter and her ex. There were enough classmates to buffer each other so they continued to mingle and hang out as a collective. And by the end of that school year, the boy had left for a new middle school. Outwardly, my daughter is no worse for wear. She’s all but forgotten her ex-boyfriend. Her new gang is now at the apex of their social structure in Grade 6. What can possibly go wrong?

This article was written pre-COVID-19.