Society has become so divisive and polarized it’s amazing that our world isn’t falling apart faster. People have very staunch beliefs, little patience and no ability to compromise and this sentiment often translates into global geopolitical actions and justification that really do tear us apart.

My daughter and I visited one of my friend’s who has 2 kids around the same age as she. All are old enough to be generally aware of global events like the pandemic, current conflict affecting supply chains, regional conflicts and the resulting refugees. Then one took a position and it wasn’t agreed by another and as kids do, they raised their voices to be heard. Then that voice was met with even louder voices. Frustration flared into tempers and eventually total meltdown ensued as everyone had exceeded their ability to be the loudest and everyone shutdown as no opinions were heard.

The evening ended early and on our drive to back home, I said to my daughter, “You know, you don’t need to be such a hard ass about things.” Well, he was wrong about what he said. “I simply correct that viewpoint before allowing him to respond.” I grinned realizing the two mistakes she had already made.

 

Debating can be seen as verbal parry, with each opponent gaining literary ground. The goal is to lunge and touché, then reset and improve from the last set. It is not for a challenger to attack relentlessly like a battering ram giving the opponent no way out.

 

My daughter has had the benefit of structured debating workshops at her school where they are taught to engage a topic (disclosed only to them at the last minute) with their own knowledge to support a position and then pause to allow it (the opinion) to be refuted by others who patiently waited for the delivery of the whole opinion before countering. This trading of verbal barbs is akin to fencing where opponents advance and retreat like a synchronized dance, giving the opponent the opportunities to defend and counterattack. The goal is to lunge and touché, then reset and improve from the last set. It is not for a challenger to attack relentlessly like a battering ram giving the opponent no way out. Conversely, debating can be just as vigorous, allowing the other side to verbally parry to keep the exchange going, as each gain literary ground.

She was reminded of the difference and at the same time realized that she was verbally fencing with someone who may not be aware of the protocol. Her opponent reacted like any person would with their back up against the wall. While my daughter is still wrestling with the fine art of oratory, she didn’t know how to dial it down (most of us don’t) and responded in kind by escalating the entire engagement and leaving her opponent completely decimated.

I suggested the next time, she should alternate speaking and both would have much to learn from each other. She replied, Next time, I’ll just stay away from politics. That sounds like a great idea! “You’ll get no arguments from me on that!”