Teach her to accept losses gracefully

A group of my daughter’s friends came over one hot day and after a bit of play, they all rushed over to the freezer for a Popsicle. My daughter didn’t get the flavor (color) she wanted and at first seemed quite disappointed. She had a specific flavor in mind and wanted one of her friends to give it up. I stepped in and said no. Sometimes you don’t get what you want and it was only a Popsicle. My daughter relented and there was order in the world again. This wasn’t her first disappointment and it certainly won’t be her last. It happens with toys, books, snacks or anything that could run out.

Over time, nobody remembers what was won or loss but they will remember how you handled it. This applies to adults and especially to children. Imagine if I went to a restaurant with my family and we couldn’t be seated at the table next to the window. It would spoil the mood for everyone if I stormed out sulking. What a horrible experience it would be especially when dining out is about socializing, and not the occasional glance out the window.

Because she didn’t get something, it doesn’t mean that it will be like this forever. Be a good sport, let others bask in their spoils. Over time, people will forget what they have won or loss, but they will never forget the grace and humility shown.

Here are a few things to keep in mind to teach children to accept disappointment gracefully. Banish the thought that they are just kids and they will grow out of it. The moment is now; it’s much harder to reshape behavior when they grow up.

First of all, not getting something is not the end of the world. It really isn’t as bad as it seems. The reaction is usually an emotional one of surprise and shock, not one of injury. It’s more likely the disappointment is the result of something she didn’t expect.

Second, because she didn’t get something, it doesn’t mean that it will be like this forever. Kids live in the moment and they think that everything has permanence. Confine the loss and don’t let it spill over into other areas. Teach her that she’ll win some and she’ll lose some. Sometimes (but not always), when someone wins, the other has to lose. This is especially true of a society so focused on a winner take all approach (not entirely healthy). While I can talk about this topic for hours and hours, I can also spend hours and hours talking about a zero-sum game approach. The game isn’t over with just one loss! Many people would not be where they are if they simply gave up at first failure, or second or third and so on. Olympic athletes’ journeys are lined with failures and setbacks. Some of the greatest athletes don’t even have medals.

The final lesson (and certainly not the last) is that teaching her to accept losses gracefully has its own reward that is far sweeter than the lime flavored Popsicle. Be a good sport, let others bask in their spoils and congratulate them. Over time, people will forget what they have won or loss, but they will never forget the grace and humility shown. Behaving this way will never make her a loser.