Men, it’s time to come out of the woods

Back in the mid-1980s to the 1990s, an era was spawned when a professor named Shepherd Bliss coined the term mythopoetic to describe the new age men’s thinking. This set off a movement and a number of self-help books including the very famous Iron John: A Book About Men (Bly R., 1990). It encouraged men to retreat from female loved ones to join in spiritual rituals to reclaim parts of their masculinity lost over the decades due to industrial society. It encouraged men to bond with other male actors to build comradery; raised an awareness that “excessive interactions with women generally kept men from realizing their internal masculinity,” (Messner M., 2000); and encouraged men who were generally inexpressive to acknowledge their own emotions during the rise of feminism which paralleled that time.

The movement was very careful at being apolitical and not taking a stand on feminism, sexuality and law but instead focused on emotional development. This very approach attracted the criticism it sought to avoid as opponents saw the movement to be sexist (detachment from females and recognition of male differences) and archaic (focused on archetypes drawn from Jungian psychology with heavy references to King, Warrior and Wildman). Ultimately the movement fizzled because its path to inner development was through separation and it invoked ideas of rigid models of behavior that are simply not reflective of modern societies where roles have become highly specialized. The result has abandoned men in various stages of development and created an entire generation of ditched souls, some filled with resentment, others in subjugation and most in disillusion. This simple article wasn’t written to recast and reclaim any unfinished efforts, but the preamble was necessary to provide a common point of understanding. This article is, however, an invitation to men that it’s time to find yourselves not through retreat, but through inclusion. I write this as I feel that many of my male friends are still banging on those proverbial drums near a now extinguished fire desperately trying to fan life back into a time that was.

This article is an invitation to men that it’s time to find yourselves not through retreat, but through inclusion. The hard part comes when you have to recognize your emotions and use them as a source of strength to guild your decisions and define your raison d’être; not to seek permission or consensus over mundane things. Nobody will deny your need for a cave, but you will be faulted for living in one. Your actions are and will always be a statement of who you are.

You have emotions. Even Spock had them. It’s just that Vulcans choose not to express them. But we are human and the choice to express which emotion at which particular time is far more empowering then banging drums in a smoke filled tent to let out pent up emotions to prove to other males that you can be expressive. The harder part comes when you have to recognize those emotions and use them as a source of your own strength to guild your decisions and define your raison d’être; not to seek permission or consensus over mundane things. The hardest part comes when you have to stand behind those decisions regardless of the reaction of others. Pick your battles and let the small stuff slide. For things that are truly non-negotiable, stand your ground and defend it. You may yell, you may scream and you may even shed a tear. Express it. Share it. Understand it. And then move through it. Nobody but you has ever denied you had feelings in the first place.

You have relationships with men and women, adults and children, at work and at home, in life and in sickness. Use the relationships not as a way to get something from someone, but as tools to sculpt the person you want to be. The person you are is a result of all the interactions you have with all the actors in your life — known and unknown. It is fine that you retreat to the bathroom for a moment of solace, but your work is in the real world after you’ve flushed the toilet. The real work is also public: the world is your canvas; your actions are your brushes. If some jerk decides to cut you off in traffic and you decide to get even by pulling ahead and slamming the brakes, then you are the petty asshole.

Your actions are and will always be a statement of who you are. Who you are, is what you think, say and do. It’s that simple. Every word you say and every action you take is a declaration to the world of who you are and subsequently, how you want to be regarded. You are well within your prerogative to occasionally escape to your cave to refocus and recharge but you still have to hunt for game. For the time being, your family still has expectations from you and your daughter still depends on you. Nobody will deny your need for a cave, but you will be faulted for living in one.

It’s time to leave the woods, men.