Nap times are something that my daughter still remembers from her daycare days. It was an opportunity for her tired little body to rest and for her little brain to block out the world. She loved them. I was envious. But eventually, our agenda outgrew the necessity of the siesta and while her body still appreciates it, her mind still craves the silence.
As the rigors of schoolwork, extracurricular, a part-time job and a boyfriend all slice into her free-time pie, she’s getting mentally drained. Her stresses are different than mine but they are real, nonetheless.
Because she lives with me full time, I can see even the slight changes to her mood and mental states. After a full school day, she goes to her room to unplug and decompress. She watches mindless Netflix; doom scroll on her phone; play games on her computer while listening to music…all at the same time. I guess this is how a modern teenager decompresses—more digital input!
Success rarely happens on the first try and so many will surrender not because they are incapable, but because they are impatient. Most likely because they are distracted by too much noise.
When she joins me for dinner, we talk about her workload, school drama, and conversations she’s had with the boyfriend (to the extent she will share). While I don’t give any advice as she’s managing well on her own, what I do tell her is to check all her mental baggage at the door when she comes in.
Many of her friends don’t have extracurricular or part time jobs and so their singular focus is schoolwork. So, in many ways, my daughter finds that their gripes are less justified. Many of them don’t have a tiger dad like me. So, I hold my daughter to a higher standard not because I am a helicopter parent, but because I know she can achieve whatever she wants and that takes consistent effort.
Don’t let your friends drag you down with their pessimism, I often tell her. In fact, when we dissect their bitch, even she finds some of friends’ complaints to be groundless and meaningless. They also give up too easily and she sees that only a handful of her friends have the iron and dedication to see something through. Anything worth doing takes time and happy outcomes aren’t guaranteed. Success rarely happens on the first try and so many will surrender not because they are incapable, but because they are impatient. Most likely because they are distracted by too much noise.
But probably the best advice I can give my daughter is to develop her own noise cancellation filters like she has with her headphones. There’s just too much chatter, everywhere.
