Children often assert an opinion from the perspective of finality. I’m not sure why that is. Probably because new brains are still wired for immediate survival skills and skills for long-term planning and strategy take time to develop. For my daughter, the current state of affairs is often an assumptive condition of forever.
Back when she was an 8 year-old, she came home school and declared that she hated science. After a short conversation, I learned that her ‘science’ teacher wasn’t teaching science appropriate for Grade 3 kids, but rather some granola form of pioneer life reenactment. The lesson she took away from me was that she should separate the lesson from the teacher. If the teacher is simply unsuccessful at teaching a topic, it doesn’t make the topic uninteresting; it just makes the teacher ineffective. This type of thinking has allowed my daughter to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Fast forward a few years, my daughter came home and this time, stated that she hated swimming! This is a sport she’s been in since she was 3 years old. In the last nine years, she’s had many instructors and coaches. She even had a coach that pushed her so hard, she felt like puking after some practices and wanted to quit. She didn’t do either and this coach remains her most favorite. What happened, I inquired.
The best sports coach trains the mind and pushes the body. Both are sacred and damage to one is a failure of both.
“My coach can’t control the team. Everyone’s talking. She’s always screaming. Nobody listens. She’s forgetful. I got hurt twice. And most of the time, we don’t know what we’re doing….” Back up a few seconds, I interrupted. You got hurt? “Yeah, I had a cramp which I told her and she said just swim it off. And my shoulder is sore.” It’s not swimming you hate, your coach is ineffective, I assured her and recounted the story of her science teacher.
As much as her favorite swim coach pushed her to near vomiting and fainting spells, he never pushed my daughter so blindly that she injured herself and negatively impact the next practice. That’s not coaching; that just irresponsible leadership. The best sports coach trains the mind and pushes the body. Both are sacred and damage to one is a failure of both. Our conversation was short as she instantly saw that the shortcomings wasn’t hers, but her coach’s. It’s another personal testimony that those in positions of authority don’t always know what’s best or what’s best for her.
My suggestion to my daughter is that we can do one of two things. Either she or I escalate it to the swim team head coaches (which I would rather not even though I have discovered that some parents feel the same as I do) or she keep performing well and swim to the next level and avail herself to more senior coaches and eventually the head coach. She was nearing the end of that cohort’s level and won’t be stuck there forever. She didn’t hate swimming anymore and felt that her future was entirely in her control. I’d hate to see her throw a decade of passion and training out because of one person who might not make much difference to her in the grand scheme of things. I told my daughter, sometimes you can’t control the people around you, but do well not because of them, but in spite of them. So use them as a springboard. As of this publication, she’s moved two whole levels and not only enjoys the new teammates, but immensely her new coach.
