I knew how cliquey high school girls can be and so when my daughter initiated the discussions to change high school midway through, my primary concern was not academic, but social development.

When she enters her junior year at this new high school, all the friendships would have had a two-year head start. That’s significant, undeniable ground. Will my daughter, who has always been social, connected, and trustworthy be able to break into these existing groups? Will existing groups see my daughter as friend or foe? The last thing I want for her is to be ostracized, demonized and underperform in the two last years of high school.

Well, sure enough, she was challenged in the first week. Word got around that my daughter is the new girl from that ‘other’ school. There were rumors abound of ‘those’ kids from ‘that’ school. A few girls at the new school approached my daughter and asked if she knew some so-and-so’s.

In the most dispassionate of ways, my daughter said she did know them but didn’t want to bring any of that drama into this school and didn’t want to interfere with existing relationships and friend groups that is already going on here. Part of the reason she left the old school, as she continued, was because there was too much drama and it became distracting.

In the most dispassionate of ways, my daughter said she didn’t want to bring any drama into this new school and didn’t want to interfere with existing friend groups.

The heavily veiled question revealed that my daughter’s desire wasn’t to run away from old acquaintances; she just wanted to be in a supportive environment and move on. For her, making new like-minded friends is always welcomed, but if she doesn’t, she’s already one foot out the door. It’ll be a miserable endurance before university.

With that, the new cliques determined that my daughter was not a threat and had no established allegiance. In fact, neutrality was the most welcoming asset my daughter brought. Finding common interest with girls in a more academically challenged environment brings out everyone’s aspirations and this commonality encouraged camaraderie and allows an outlet of commiseration when workload got heavy. The fact that everyone shows up in school uniforms is also a great equalizer.

Soon after the start of school, I came home to find three of her new friends in the kitchen looking for snacks. I was immensely happy. We made the right choice to change school. She’ll do well academically without paying the price of social descension.

Honestly, staying at the new school would have been easy. But she would have been miserable. And her last years of high school would have been awful. Maybe it would even change the trajectory of her future. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.