I see it all the time, my daughter in her swim lane racing her preferred stroke. When she comes ahead, she checks out her competitors’ relative positions and eases the throttle. The margin she maintains is often fractional seconds. But in other times, she is bested by a smaller fraction than that and her lead vanishes when her opponents gas up in the last 25 meters.

“Why do you do that? You’re racing against your own times, not the other swimmers.” I forget and I think I’m racing against others in the heat. I look at her and simply said, “We’ll chat.”

The problem with resting on her laurels is three things, I told her. Seeing the relative positions of others essentially permits others to dictate the race. In other words, she’ll put in only the necessary effort and no more. That may be nice in a race with friendlies, but sometimes, running with the crowd actually slows you down. You may be ahead of the pack, but is this the right pack for you?

I think she is beginning to understand that there’s only one person in any race who really matters.

I know it’s only a race but her competitive swimming is a life lesson in future endeavors at school and at her future workplaces. If she performs relative to her peers, how will she know the depths of her own potential? Does the peer group always move individuals forward? Sometimes, it may be necessary to forge ahead or even take a different direction—a path less taken. And every so often, a purely solo journey is the only way forward.

In the age of AI and attention seeking platforms, getting that Warhol 15-minutes-of-fame (probably 1 minute now) is not just about unique ideas or rebranded old ones that get attention. It’s about consistency and perseverance. That raises the right kind of eyebrows. Be the person that defines their own pole position and not just be another flash in the pan.

That’s a lot to unpack, dad. “You’re beginning to sound like me,” I confirmed. “You don’t need to remember all of this. Just do things for yourself. In fact, always seek your own approval. This way, your rearview mirror only reflects your past achievements—both success and failures. They should define your own course and your aim.”

It didn’t stop her from checking out other swimmers during the next race, but I think she is beginning to understand that there’s only one person in any race who really matters.