One of the boys at school asked me if I wanted to go out.” That sounded random. How long have you known him? “Not at all, he’s in one of my classes.” And he fancies you? “Nobody uses that word, dad.” Okay, he likes you and what’s his backstory? “Backstory?” Like an NPC, every character in your setting has a story. What school did he come from? Where does he live? Who are his friends? What are his grades? Does he have siblings? Etc etc. “I don’t know.” Then that’s all the more reason to say no to him. “I’ll find out from my friends what his situation is since some of my friends know him.”
The next day, my daughter gives me the scoop. “No brothers or sisters. He’s not particularly in any group or in varsity. He’s not in any special academic program. He’s okay looking, but some would call him a browner.” A browner? You just said he’s not in an academic program. “Yeah, he’s not that good looking.” In my days, browner means someone who is smart. “Oh, today, it means they are ugly.” Oh, okay. “Oh, and he just broke up with his girlfriend.” Ahhh! Recently? “Last week.” Wow, grass doesn’t grow under his feet. “Uh?”
I explained to my daughter that this boy isn’t really interested in her but interested in what he lost. Specifically, he laments his girlfriend and the recent breakup. Is the girlfriend in the same school? “Yes.” Did he ask to eat lunch with you? Go to a nearby store? A mall? A place he knows? “Yes.” Probably a spot he used to take his girlfriend and show you off. “Dad, that’s disgusting.” Yes, sometimes boys compare girls and their focus isn’t to get to know you, but to serve a different agenda. Does he seem impulsive and get frustrated when you rebuff him? “Yes.” Well, sounds to me that you happened to be the shiniest new thing and perfect for a rebound.
The fastest way to deflect rebound attempts is to get to know their former girlfriend.
“That’s a thing? Rebound relationships?” That’s very much a thing, I said. In fact, the biggest clue is that you can sense something is off. Things seem rushed, contrived, even disingenuous. “I felt those.” By definition, rebounds don’t stay put. It is gone as soon as it arrives. “Relationships are fucked!” Language, little miss!
Always trust your gut, my Padawan, as I try to sound Yoda-like. People who are fooled into a fast friendship often lose themselves and their judgement of self-worth. You’re far too bright and aware for that, but sometimes, the desperation of others can turn into manipulative and coercive behavior. We can all be fooled by this. The fastest way to deflect rebound attempts is to get to know their former girlfriend. “I know who she is. She’s in one of my classes.” Talk to her. If she’s likeable and can be a possible friend, cultivate that! Boys get really nervous when girls compare notes on them.
A few days later, my daughter told me, “We sat at the same table and a group of us had lunch together. But we didn’t talk about the ‘rebound’.” And did the rebound see this group lunch from afar? “Oh yes.” And? “And he stayed away from me.” LOL. Oh boy. Sounds like not much has changed over the decades. Keep calm and keep carrying on!
