Ghosting is something that my daughter doesn’t take kindly to from her friends. It speaks of an immature breakdown in communication by the cessation of dialog. In her own words, it is so ‘grade-school.’ I told her that it’s remarkable how many people at my workplaces are still in ‘grade school’.

So, when her boyfriend ghosted her for 24 hours, her world broke. “Dad, why won’t he answer me?” Did you guys have a fight? “It was a disagreement. We called each other stubborn and stupid. Now, he’s left me unread. That was an hour ago!” Maybe he’s taking a nap. Or maybe he’s with his mom. Or maybe his mom’s upset with him, and she’s used to taking his phone from him, as you tell me. “Yes, but he usually texts me just before his phone is taken away. He’s just completely gone and disappeared! I hate this.”

All I could do was to hold her tight as she felt a part of herself being torn painfully away. There are many things I can teach my daughter, but as in Kygo’s song, Wrap you in love for the rest of my days | Pray you find joy through your pain | I can’t protect you from every heartbreak |The world isn’t easy that way. I was just there. Holding her and being present with her.

 

Even though he was absent in the last 24 hours, you have lost nothing of yourself. Always remember that.

 

The next day, she appeared as a zombie at school and went through the motions of attending class, but her mind was clearly absent. Her mood was no better when she returned home. Just before dinner, her phone rang. She glanced at the call display, grabbed her phone and bolted into her room. After what seemed like an eternity, she came down happy. The world was right again. What happened?

He was sick and his mom took him to the hospital. He was medicated and stayed overnight there and missed school today. But he’s fine now. So, your world fell apart because his…broke apart. “Yeah!”. I laughed and confirmed that since her communications with him are constant and supportive, it was out of character for a ghosting to take place without an actual explanation. And I told my daughter, even though he was absent in the last 24 hours, you have lost nothing of yourself. Always remember that.

“Thanks, dad.” And she hugged me and went back to texting. I thought to myself that she’s found a quiet corner in her psyche to retreat when the world is unbearable. I have my own dark place. We all have one. It’s an escape from reality. But as I do, she will find her way out as well. She may have more trips to this place to nurse a fragile heart.