Once upon a time in Grade 7, my daughter would telephone me during lunch hour and ask if she can go to the local shop to get a bubble tea or other libation with her friends. I have taught my daughter to be careful with money and if she wanted to spend discretionarily, she should call me first. And she’s been very good at it. Only once or twice have I asked if an eight-dollar bubble tea was worth it. Most of the time, she makes reasonable purchases and it gives her the grown-up feeling of leaving school grounds to buy a drink.
As she got older and now with a job, she still checks in before using her debit card—it’s a great habit. For bigger purchases like a pair of pants or a shirt she saw on her way home, she calls first. Rather than being impulsive, we do a bit of online comparison and check for colors, styles and discounts.
Since her first allowance, she’s been learning the important lesson of value for money. She’s also recently learned that if my money won’t buy something, then neither can hers. And so, we’ve reached a perfect balance where she has free reign for de minimis expenses while I still retain control over the ledger as every tap shows up as a notification on my phone. For everything else, we discuss it.
At this age, money for her is a social currency.
As she builds up her wages from her 3-hours of work each week teaching little kids how to swim, she’s learning to save for bigger purchases (like AirPods upgrade). Setting aside my own feelings for the never-ending race of technological upgrades, I don’t hold back her money or prevent her from spending it (if it’s reasonable). I think putting value judgement on her money is a bad idea as this literally robs her of her hard work and burgeoning sense of financial independence. Her spending money is a means to her end. In other words, she spends money to be with friends and for social purposes, like movies and small meals and drinks. At this age, money for her is a social currency as she’s always with friends when she spends. Contrast this with some of her other friends who spend every dollar they get their hands on when and if their parents give them money at all.
And then there were times when some of my daughter’s friends would ask her to front the money for lunch because they are short. I cautioned my daughter to this practice and to make sure that she always collects. It’s easy for this practice to snowball and be taken advantage of. I recall when I was in high school, a ‘friend’ asked to borrow bus fare. I didn’t have a dollar bill and I gave him a larger denomination. I was never repaid and although it was only a few dollars, I never forgot how unscrupulous people can be. The amount is insignificant now but not then. That’s why the lesson was unforgettable and unfortunate.
Even though she’s heavily dependent upon me as her gravy train, occasionally, she likes to buy her own trinkets here and there. It makes her feel independent and grown up since she’s not asking for permission for the littlest of things. I’m glad for her. At the end of the day, she likes making and having her own financial wherewithal. It gives her choice.
