er having a part time job was a great thing and every kid should have that experience. And when she said that she wanted to spend her own money on incidental items, I couldn’t be happier. I am also glad that she asked me and treats her money as though it was ‘our’ money before she thinks about spending it.

Once upon a I gave my daughter a debit card and a supplemental credit card for emergencies. Occasionally, she would call me to ask if she could buy a hot chocolate or a snack when out with her friends. I know what she spends money on and how much since each transaction shows up as a notification on my phone. She’s sensible about purchases and I don’t think twice about a notification on a drink expenditure or even a larger amount like a piece of clothing which she always tells me beforehand. Sometimes, she even sends me a photo before she completes the purchase.

Her mom and I are still responsible for the costs of everything but her own money from the part time job is strictly discretionary and up for her to use. Reasonably. Then one day, when I refused to buy her something, she said, “Okay, I’ll use my own money.”

I was startled. Taken aback. And I needed to reign in that righteousness. I responded quickly and resolutely with a ‘no’ and said that that is not the purpose of your earned money. If my money won’t buy something, then neither can yours. “Why?” Because the purpose of your money is to give you independence and pride of an earned dollar; not to undermine your learned fiscal restraint and subvert the rationale of financial discipline.

 

If my money won’t buy something, then neither can yours.

 

The cause of the discussion was a plain, gray hoodie that my daughter wanted to buy. In addition to the dozens of other hoodies she has in her closet, drawer and floor, it made no sense to spend $70 on yet another hoodie that will be thrown to the floor after a few wears. Using her own money still doesn’t change the frequency of wear or her love for that particular hoodie, which will wane. And besides, three days after the disagreement, she didn’t want it anyway. It was an emotional buy. And she realized it, too; only took her three days versus me taking three milliseconds.

Keep working at your job, I said to my daughter. It teaches money management and the experience will lead to building a healthy financial footprint and good credit. But just because it is money earned; it doesn’t necessarily mean it should be money spent. In fact, she may need to save for a purchase that she doesn’t yet realize she will make. So now is the best time to save as my daughter is fortunate enough not to require a part-time job to support herself or the family.

And after examining the frequency of her chocolate, teas and even lattes purchases, I showed her how quickly her debits are eating away at her paycheck. She was astonished and even said, “A dollar doesn’t go far.” You are beginning to sound like me. To which she said, “I need to work more.” I replied, you need to spend less. And just like that, she blurted out, “I need to make more!” I smiled and thought to myself realizing that she grasps the value of money. Priceless lesson.