I was one of the first to contract COVID-19. I must have caught it from someone when I was travelling to San Francisco in February of 2020. With no knowledge of what the world would become, I nursed myself back to health for 4 weeks in what I thought was the longest flu I had ever had. On one of those many days, my daughter watched TV with me while I slept in bed. She asked if she can watch the newly release Birds of Prey movie. What kind of movie is it? I whispered barely making a sound. “It’s a D.C. comics movie.” You mean like Superman and Wonder Woman? Sure! Months later, when we sat down and decided to watch a movie, she said let’s watch Birds of Prey. Hmm, gratuitous violence. “I’ve seen it already.” Your mom let you watch this movie? “No, you did, dad.” I would never let an 11 year-old watch this. When did I allowed you to do this? “When you were sick with COVID.” So, you took advantage of me when I was on my death-bed?

Three years later, my second Birds of Prey moment came when I was groggy and just getting out of bed. My daughter had to leave early for school and after she got herself ready, she came into my bedroom, kissed me good-bye and say, “Dad, I’m dating.” And then disappeared out of the house. The comment hit me when I finally came to. At the first sip of coffee, to an empty house, I screamed, what???? 

Clearly my daughter has mastered the art of timing. Although she didn’t manipulate the situation, she was very astute at delivery for her maximum advantage. But the truth of the matter is that I already knew she was dating.

 

I assess a boy’s candidacy to be my daughter’s boyfriend based not brains or brawn. What I find most important is how he treats my daughter.

 

I can tell from the way she steals away to her room with her phone. She whispers and giggles a lot. She has a beam about her that was not evident before. She’s confident, shy, showy, humble and just simply beside herself. She lets the occasional name slip and it tells me that that name is more than just a name. But the most telltale signs of all were collared shirts and concealer to cover up hickeys!

My daughter didn’t know how I would react and so that’s why she told me with one foot out the door. She also didn’t know how I would deal with a new individual in her life and so she avoided the topic. But, she felt safe enough to tell me of this adolescent milestone. But her assumptions of my reaction are influenced by the parents of her peers who found out their child is dating. Nevertheless, since my daughter told me however clandestinely, she felt it was important enough to share and more importantly, she knows I wouldn’t react badly.

I assess a boy’s candidacy to be my daughter’s boyfriend based not brains or brawn. I assume these knuckle draggers are smart enough and strong enough to be someone who stands out in high school. I also make the assumption that beyond charm, this boy must also have charisma my daughter finds captivating and conversations engaging. I’m also not overly concerned about family backgrounds, pedigree or wealth. What I find most important is how he treats my daughter.

Unfortunate would be a boy who mistreats my daughter as a plaything and sees her not as a person but as a trophy. Impossible would be my daughter who puts up with mistreatment as she has never seen that from me; even in my most angry moments, I would never be demeaning nor cruel. Sad would a boy who would supplicate himself to my daughter to appease her. And empty would my daughter find being placed on a pedestal. My daughter would have none of these; she would expect nothing less than an equal.

That evening, my measured reaction to her hurried disclosure in the morning was a calm and collected, “Bring this boy over for dinner. I want to meet him, properly.” My daughter’s eyes widened. Her mouth gaped. She was not expecting me to say this. She had no words.