Bets like these are sexist and awful. But I made one with my daughter as I was convinced that this would happen in the first month of high school. My daughter is social, has many friends and is liked by many—both girls and boys. She’s already had fleeting experiences with a pseudo-boyfriend and other vicarious experiences. And as she flings herself headfirst into high school, she will be exposed to many, many more new experiences. And it would be a disservice to her if I didn’t let her know that many niners (especially boys) are searching for new experiences, too. Including girlfriends. Some of those attempts would be tentative and shy. Many will be awkwardly forthright.
“That will never happen, dad. Boys are gross and they smell.” Yes, but not all are Neanderthals and most do take daily showers. “Sure, but they are all dumb and they like to play roughly and can’t carry a conversation.” Yes, but not all are jocks. I’m sure most come from good families and a few have even read more than one book. “Well, I’m just going to hang out with my girlfriends like I always do.” Yes, you don’t need to give that up, but increasingly there could be a boy you might find cute. As others will find you likewise. “Ewww.”
Well, as the first week of Grade Nine has come and gone, my daughter came home with lots of regular stories. The second week, the high schoolers are getting into their routines with new classes, teachers and friend-group. There wasn’t the usual social drama and I was about to resign to the fact that she had enrolled in a nerdy school where everyone is a bookworm. And then by week three, the chats blew up. From girls and boys. Boys—as in plural.
What do you want? I asked my daughter. “I just want to do well in school and focus on friendships.” She’s way more mature in Grade Nine than I ever was.
“Dad, here’s twenty bucks.” Eh? Why? “Because you bet me $5 that I’d be asked out.” I turned to her and asked, You’ve been asked out four times?!! She nodded. I didn’t know whether I should laugh or cry. I thought about home schooling her. Again. So, tell me what happened and who are these primates who dare risk the wrath of dad.
We had another very interesting father/daughter conversation and she told me that while the boys are nice, many of them are looking to pair up like a salt & pepper set. There are social pressures and of course, a boy with a girlfriend also has bragging rights, especially if they are athletically inclined. What do you want? I asked my daughter. “I just want to do well in school and focus on friendships.” She’s way more mature in Grade Nine than I ever was.
Am I worried that she’ll be distracted with a boyfriend in high school? Yes, of course, I am. But what’s more important to me is the reason she enters into a relationship. If she’s looking to fill a void, that’s a problem. But she’s not looking to fit in beyond her expanding circles and she’s not at risk of FOMO. And after almost a decade of close conversations, I know my daughter is not so easily moved by the achievement of others because she already achieves much.
My daughter is very selective in whom she calls a girlfriend. I would imagine that the scrutiny is tenfold that for a boyfriend. I trust my daughter and if there is a special someone she’s interested in, I’d probably know way ahead of time based on changes in her behavior. But in reality, she’d probably let me know anyway.
