No, those things are painful and once it gets inflamed, it will be inflected and it will start to ooze bodily fluids and eventually it will burst and a small creature will chew through the flesh and burst out.” That’s a lie, my daughter said with disbelief. “No, I’ve seen it.” Where? “In a movie. It was called Alien. They made more sequels because it happened excessively.” She looked at me with complete disbelief, denial, contempt and then had no choice but to burst out laughing. I held my deadpan face for as long as I could and eventually joined her.
“Why would you want such a hideous thing?” I finally asked. ‘Cause it’s cool! “The answer is no. No. NO!” Why? “Because it’s unnecessary, painful and permanent.” While my daughter knows that I have veto power over her choices right now, she also knows that when she ages out of my authority, she can do what she wants. But the truth of the matter is that my daughter and I don’t have this kind of relationship where I say no and then she does it behind my back. We had a similar discussion with piercing.
“Tell me why you want a belly ring and let’s unpack this,” I said. I just wanna. “Ok, I need something more to work with. An emotionally based decision is not the best place to start. Did you see someone with it?” Only on social media. “Did you ask them what it felt like and whether they still have it?” No. “Why not?” Because I don’t know them. “So, you are basing your decision for a permanent alteration to your body on a picture of someone you don’t know who posed and may have airbrushed the picture for social media…likes?” Well, if you put it that way…. “Tell me another way.”
I am biased and so my empathy is limited.
The rest of the conversation was circular and although my daughter failed to convince me to allow her to have the piercing, I did ponder why young women would want one. It can hardly be a statement of self-expression as this is not a unique occurrence due to how prevalent it is. Is it to attract attention? My daughter, while confident, is also not one to draw attention to herself and actually prefers to live with anonymity. Thinking like an ex-banker, what’s the return on investment if it is covered up with practical outerwear as she can’t live life in a crop top. And during swimming, would that ring pose a drag hazard in the water? It would literally stick out like an enormous ‘outie’ beneath the swimsuit. Does the thing even come off with ease like earrings? There seems to be a lot of assembly and disassembly required to make it worthwhile. Now I tried to think like my daughter and finally, I thought maybe it’s jewelry adorned to attract the opposite sex. So, is she doing it to appeal to boys? Ok, I’m going nowhere.
I am biased and so my empathy is limited. I also failed to understand the reasons why my daughter would want one other than ‘just because.’ So for now, there won’t be piercing of any kind and the discussion has been deferred. And then I had one last facetious thought…what if a belly button ring is used as a deterrent to poor diet as she’d need to be slim and flat to show off the piercing. Specifically, it’s really to call attention to her abs! Hmmm, maybe I should incentivize myself and get one, too! My daughter and I can be matchy-matchy. That will definitely deter her from getting one!
