I’ve always encouraged my daughter to make friends everywhere she goes. Doesn’t matter whether they are white, black, brown or purple. Doesn’t matter whether they are girls, boys or they/them. Over a period of a decade, she has collected a number of friends whom she grew up with. Some have even gone to the same high school as she. And when one of them (male) asked her to come watch movies, she asked me if it was okay. I agreed especially since I also know the parents from when they were growing up.

Then a couple of days later, rumors at school surfaced about this same boy and my daughter watching movies in his dark basement and making out. My daughter was at first confused. Then horrified. And finally angry. The details were far too specific, about the movie, location for anyone to know other than the boy who spread the rumors. As far as my daughter was concerned, his parents were upstairs. The sound system and dimming of lights made for a better experience for the Fast and the Furious. Nothing else happened because my daughter already had a boyfriend and even if she didn’t, she wasn’t into her childhood friend in that way.

“Why do they do that, dad?” my daughter asked me. I’m not sure, my little one. Maybe because he likes you still. He asked you out once, remember? And you declined. “That was two years ago.” Boys don’t forget the rejection. “That’s a lot of baggage.” That’s a good way of putting it. You’re very mature to think that. “Boys are—what do you call them? Knuckle draggers? What should I do? Confront him?” Is there a girl he likes at school. “Yes.” Get to know her. “I already know her. Should I tell her about the rumors?” No need. When he sees you with her, he’ll shit himself like a knuckle dragging caveman. It’s more fun this way. Being mean to him might prompt this girl to come to his rescue and pin you as the ‘foxtrist’. Be her friend and he’ll keep his distance. And he will likely be the one to kill the rumors—if not for you, then for himself. He’s not going to spread rumors about making out with a girl who is friends with another he likes.

 

I was a first-class knuckle dragger! But I was classy though.

 

She is already realizing that people can be petty, jealous and generally stupid when it comes to human relations. Rumors and innuendo do much of the dirty work to sully an object of desire’s reputation. It’s the age-old mentality that if one can’t have something (or someone) then no one else can either. It’s counterproductive thinking and in extreme cases, it is pathological and can lead to dangerous actions.

“He used to be nice guy.” Well, I’m sure he still is, but when it comes to girls, he has no experience. He’s also trying to be big man on campus and wants his guy friends to see him as dude, not a dud, especially when hormones run high. They don’t know how to behave and they get impulsive, irrational and it makes them look stupid. To cover their own failings, they will lob the blame to those who spurn them. “Were you like that daddy?” I was a first-class knuckle dragger! But I was classy though. I didn’t use up all my dignity, but I was never callous. When I knew the gig was up, I moved on to the next humiliation!

 We both broke out laughing.