Oh, such drama!” I said, every time my daughter tells me something new about the interactions amongst her Grade 9 peers. She laughs but generally she is detached from it. My daughter is busy with schoolwork, a part-time job teaching kids how to swim, her own competitive swimming and life in general. She doesn’t get caught up in the drama of others except to tune in and out for entertainment.
“Why is that?” I asked her. I dunno. Maybe because everyone’s immature. “Don’t get judgy. Kids are pupating.” What does that mean? “Means adolescence are transforming into young adults.” But doesn’t pupa refer to bugs that are going through a stage? “Yes!” Well, that’s not judgy at all, dad! Calling us larva. “Moving on, youngling.”
Based on my own observation into my daughter’s own development and her interactions with her peers, I summarize that the level of drama in high school is directly proportional to the new experiences that the members of the student body are exposed to. And that the drama isn’t created, it’s a consequence.
Kids going to high school are exploring their personality with newfound freedoms. The vast majority of the kids at my daughter’s school go to and fro on their own. They make independent decisions on travel, stops and spend much time away from their family, often for the first time. Along the way, they will find allies and this alignment amplifies the individual’s nascent behavior.
Drama isn’t created, it’s a consequence.
Kids going to high school meet people they have never been exposed to before. Once upon a time, a child’s playdate is determined primarily by the parents’ affinity to each other. If the adults have common interests, then they would use their kids as reasonable excuses for a social meet-up. Absent the parents, the kids are left to find their own friends. In high school, jocks will encounter bookworms; head bangers with cellists; and self-reliant individuals with pick-me’s. There are opposites and weird parings. Some will attract, others will be repelled. The interaction could range from hookups to full out physical fights. Personalities are not unlike liquids: some will blend while others, like oil and water, will not.
Kids going to high school are in sexual overdrive. As much as we think our kids are asexual beings and we try to ignore their emerging sexuality, the fact of the matter is that you have hundreds of kids in one building who are all undergoing puberty at the same time. The pheromones are sometimes as undeniable as B.O. and clumps of girls can even period sync. Kids are human and for some, sex in high school won’t be their first time. And arguably, while the mental and social aspect of growing up can be somewhat subjugated, an individual’s sexual awakening cannot.
From these perspectives, it may be easier for parents to know what their child is really going through in high school. It may even shed light on why their child is increasingly reluctant to discuss aspects of high school life with their parents for fear of dismissal and shaming. Far easier to talk to a peer and do so virtually by chats and DM’s as some topics are exploratory even in person.
So, is high school dramatic? Is it justified? Is it proportional? It’s tough to validate such a subjective question. But it’s also tough to refute it. If I were encountering all of those perspectives at the workplace, I too would be an inward looking, tentative employee scanning for reactions. So next time my daughter tells me about more dripping drama at school, I’m more sympathetic that kids don’t seek it out for the purpose of enjoyment, but more likely, drama happens to them in pure trepidation and unease.
