Grade 9 is coming to a crescendo close. Fast friends formed in the Fall are now tiresome classmates as conversations and antics are old and worn. Friendships once forged out of necessity in a new school setting have become collateral damage as kids are older, smarter and have found new grooves. But mainly the initial burst of novel excitement has given way to the drudgery of homework and exams. The kids are simply looking forward to the end of the semester as the weather gets warmer. They all worked very hard this year and has small humans, they feel confined like caged hamsters. They are taking their stresses out on each other before the bell rings one last time for the school year.
Even my daughter who usually comes home with hilarious stories about her peer group and especially about people who aren’t in their friend group has little to regale me anymore. She’s just tired and after school, she swims and sleeps. Already, some of her friends are not returning to the rigorous IB program and will either drop down to different streams or go to a different school altogether. It’s even evident that for the kids who are leaving, social contact has slowed or stopped as they know they won’t see each other again.
My daughter is realizing that her peers don’t handle stresses well and like a common cold, uncertainty and doubt spreads quietly. Misery loves company. “People will generally look after themselves,” It’s everyman for themselves. People suck! “Yeah, they do. But don’t judge them without including us.” I asked my daughter to recall the pandemic. The initial lockdown saw a rush to food stores as people stockpiled even toilet paper! I also made multiple trips to the grocery store in a day to ensure that we have more than we need in case worst things happened. Others be damned as we lock down ourselves!
I’m now more convinced than ever that she hasn’t even met her best friend yet.
My daughter also discovered that friends who aren’t as prepared as she, are asking for last minute help on notes and assignments. She once freely shared them as she was also a recipient of class notes and handouts if she was absent from sickness or at a swim meet. But toward the end, she discovered that the requests were made more out of the requester’s laziness and desperation rather than reciprocity. “People will take from you what they don’t have.”
That’s sad, she confirmed. But they can do it themselves. There’s nothing I do that they can’t. “Most people aren’t willing to do the work. Especially if they can get someone else to do it for them.” Yeah, I see that. “Either looking for efficiencies or simple disinterest, people will always look for an easier way…for themselves.”
As I have always told my daughter, her first year in high school is just the beginning and even still, this year won’t even matter; only the weight placed on junior and senior years. I’m now more convinced than ever that she hasn’t even met her best friend yet as I certainly haven’t met my closest male friends until I got into university.
I told my daughter that she’s doing well and keep spinning those plates and blaze her own trails. In a world of chaotic confusion, it’s even more important to be the architect of her own future. She has the discipline and the opportunity. Those are powerful tools. So, if this friend group crumbles, build another one.
